Settling In

Three weeks ago yesterday, Neal and I welcomed our little girl into the world.

Holy crap. Three weeks? Really?

On the one hand, it’s hard to remember what life was like before Claire came into our lives, but for the most part, the time has flown by. We’ve been spending that time settling in, trying to get to know each other. One of the hardest parts has been, without a doubt, the interrupted sleep or sleep deprivation (and sometimes both). People tell new parents to sleep when the baby sleeps, and that is sound advice. Most of the time, the only time I know that Claire will sleep for more than 20 minutes is in the morning (and sometimes not even then) so it’s rare that Claire and I will be up before 10 a.m. I felt really weird and even guilty about that, thinking that a proper mother should be up with her child by 8 a.m. at the latest, until I spoke to a friend of mine with a newborn who told me that she does the same thing. And you know what? Sometimes, if time and Claire allow, I will even try to squeeze in a mini-nap in the afternoon. I have never been good with sleep deprivation, so these are the things I must do in order to have even a minimum level of brain power.

Another challenge has been decoding Claire’s cries and body language. Every so often, Neal and I think we have something figured out, only to discover she is using the same body language for something entirely different. I always remember hearing that when a baby brings her knees up, it means she has gas. Well, that doesn’t always appear to be the case with Claire (although we suspect she does get gas pretty often). She also seems to use that motion when she’s hungry, when she wants her diaper changed, when she wants to be cuddled – basically any time she is pissed off. One possible sign (in my inexperienced mind, at least) that it’s not always gas is that she’ll do the leg kicks and then as soon as I give her a bottle and she starts eating, her legs relax. One would think that the gas doesn’t go away when one eats…

But gas has also been an issue. We can’t always get Claire to burp no matter how long we try or the positions we put her in. The over-the-shoulder method – although sometimes leading to a mess on the floor or down one’s back – appears to work best for her, but sometimes it doesn’t do anything either. Sometimes it will be 30 minutes or an hour later when she’ll finally let out a nice loud belch, which is fine during the day, but not so great in the middle of the night when I just want to settle her down, get her to sleep so that I can also return to sleep. We had put her on Good Start formula at first, but with the possibility that it’s the formula causing the issue, we switched her to Similac, which is the brand used by the hospital and which she was on during our stay. So far, I’m not sure I’ve noticed much of a difference as she has been quite fussy lately, but then again, she is entering the 3-week growth spurt, so it’s hard to draw any conclusions at this point. We also picked up some Ovol drops; I’ve only given her one dose sometime this morning, but we’ll see how that goes.

So it’s been a guessing game. She cries, we observe her for some sign of what she wants, we try food and if that doesn’t work, then we try diaper, and if that doesn’t work, we try burping, and if that doesn’t work, well, I will typically turn to Neal if it’s a time when he’s at home.

And thank goodness for my husband. Honestly, I picked a good one! When I see Neal with Claire, talking to her in a voice he reserves just for her, my heart grows and I fall just a little bit more in love with him. He takes part in a big way in the care of Claire. It is always my intention to be the one dealing with the night-time feedings when he has to work the next day, but I have to admit that there have been times when I’ve turned to him and said, “I don’t know what else to do” and he’ll take her and try his hand, typically at burping (since by then I’ve already fed and changed her). He is, I believe, the Burping King because it seems that he can often get a burp out of her even when I’ve spent however long trying to do the same thing (and while I’m very thankful for his talent, I’m also quite jealous).

My, it sounds like a lot of complaints, doesn’t it? That’s not my intention with this entry. I also can’t help but stare at her even when we’re watching television – it doesn’t seem like much can hold my attention the way she can. Yesterday we bought a swing with some money my parents sent to us and she was in it in the evening, but I felt like I had hardly held her all day as we had been out running errands for most of the afternoon, so I was compelled to take her out of the swing and hold her while we watched some TV before bed.

(The swing, however, was an awesome purchase! Claire was really fussy this morning and I couldn’t get her settled for more than 15 or so minutes at a time, so I finally gave up on getting some extra sleep and we got up. I put her in the swing to entertain her while I grabbed some breakfast, and she fell asleep, so after I ate, I lay down on the couch for almost an hour before she woke up for her next feeding!)

She is absolutely perfect. Although her smiles may not be genuine at this early stage, I love to see them, and I choose to believe they are. I love how she will gaze up into my face or Neal’s with absolute awe. I often find myself imagining what she’ll look like when she’s a toddler and she’s running around, and I have this recurring image that pops into my mind of her riding a tricycle. She makes a million funny little sounds including some old-man grunts. She has a really funny facial expression when her mouth goes into a perfect “O” and I wonder what that’s all about. Successful accomplishments for the day – for myself, you realize – include suctioning out boogers from her nose when I can hear them in her breathing, seeing that she has had a poopy diaper, and when I can get her to burp and then start to fall asleep on my shoulder.

Housework has definitely gone by the wayside these days, so if you’re local and thinking about dropping by, keep that in mind. I try to sweep the floors every so often, but washing them often involves some spot cleaning. I haven’t dusted since before Claire was born. I do manage to wipe down the counters in the kitchen and the bathroom regularly, and other than that, I’m happy if I can stay on top of the laundry (which has become an almost-daily event) and the dishes and manage to eat something halfway nutritious during the day.

It’s insane how one tiny little person who can’t even walk or talk can change your entire life, isn’t it?