Here’s a little bit of truth for you:
The last time I liked the way my body looks was when I was pregnant with Claire.
Obviously, I expected to have some extra weight hanging around right after I had Claire, but she’s almost 4 now, and I am still 14lbs heavier now than I was that first time I was weighed after finding out I was pregnant with Claire, and at that time, I was at the heavier side of my normal range.
I know that for many women, their bodies change after they have a baby. But on Sunday, I was looking at some pictures Neal had taken of Claire at a birthday party. In some of them, I was in the background, and I was HORRIFIED by what I saw. I was so horrified that my mood took a nosedive and Neal actually asked me at one point, “Are you okay?” Tears were shed as I explained that I really didn’t like the way I look these days.
And so, I am trying to incorporate some changes into my life. I eat pretty well anyway, so food hasn’t been a huge issue. Don’t get me wrong – I still share some chips with Neal on the weekend, I drink a bit of wine and/or beer on the weekend. I’m not cutting everything out because I think that would be setting myself up for failure. But, since January, I’ve cut down on my consumption of granola bars. There are some homemade granola bars I might make this weekend, but I will make them small and they will, I’m sure, be a huge improvement over the boxed variety.
By and large, though, I have stopped having a granola bar in the afternoons for my snack. Instead, I am eating fresh vegetables either by themselves or with hummus, or fresh fruit (this week it’s been clementines). My friend and I are getting together on Friday for lunch and we were initially planning to order a platter of nachos to share, but I emailed her on Monday to say that I really didn’t want to eat nachos for lunch on Friday, but would prefer to make a healthier choice (thankfully she was feeling the same way, so we’re on the same page). I brought Neal’s chili for lunch a couple of days this week; normally I enjoy having a piece of bread to dip into it, but I didn’t bring any bread with me those days. One of those days, a lawyer in our hallway offered to buy staff in our hallway food from Boston Pizza; as much I do enjoy some of the pizzas at Boston Pizza, I declined and ate the lunch that I had brought instead. Today there were some sweets that were left over from a meeting, but as much as I would have loved to have had one, I knew that I have been doing really well this week and I want to continue that way.
I am also being more conscious of portion control. I have a lot of trouble eating slowly unless I’m talking a lot, but I’m trying to slow down a bit, and I’m giving my body time to digest after finishing. It takes a little while for your body to fully recognize that you are full, and I remind myself that I will likely be eating a small snack in a few hours. I don’t need to be full to the point of bursting.
I have also started doing the Jillian Michaels “30-day Shred”. Jillian Michaels is probably one of the most loved and hated fitness instructors out there. Everyone I have ever spoken to about her videos wants to punch her in the face while working out to her videos, but she is also probably one of the most effective dvd instructors out there. I had been going to the gym at lunch for a while, but I gave up my membership because I never sweat as much there as I do while working out to her dvds. I love her “Kickbox Fast Fix” and her yoga video is pretty good as well (though it’s the hardest yoga I have EVER done). This one? I mutter how much I hate her and that video at least three times every time I do it. Today is Day Three of Level 1. The start of the video (after the warm-up) is the worst for me. I have a lot of trouble with push-ups, even the ones you do from your knees. But I keep trying, I keep pushing myself, and you know what, I’m sore today after doing the work out, but not as sore as I was the other days.
I may never get to my pre-pregnancy weight and body again, but I am going to work my butt off to get as close as I can.
