“Me” Time

When Claire was first born, there was little “me” time, but that is to be expected. She slept a lot, to be sure, but then, I also needed to sleep a lot because we were up throughout the night. I took that famous advice to sleep with baby sleeps to heart, and I swear that’s the only way I stayed (somewhat) sane.

Now that Claire’s sleep has much-improved, I don’t need to nap as often. She is also more likely to be able to amuse herself – for short periods of time – so that allows me to do a quick load of laundry, or run the mop over the floor or vacuum the living room carpet, even while she is awake. Although I do spend most of her wakeful time playing and snuggling with her, I also try to get a few things done over the course of the day while Claire is awake so that when she naps in the morning and/or afternoon, I can do something just for me. That’s another nice thing about her current stage: she usually sleeps for a short time in the morning, and then has a longer nap in the afternoon, followed by a short one in the evening.

That “me” time is typically spent having a cup of tea and either reading or going downstairs to the office to do some writing. Last night, I did something new, something I haven’t done since I was maybe seven months’ pregnant: I went to the gym. I had been going to the mommy and baby exercise class twice a week, but Cole Harbour Place is taking a break from having the class until sometime in September. I was going to start going to the gym last week, but with my parents here, I decided to push it off a little bit. Last night, we had a quick supper, and then I kissed both Neal and Claire goodbye, and headed over.

How bizarre it was to be there again. And yes, how lovely. I will never be a “Gym Person”, but there is something enjoyable about putting those earphones in your ears, tuning out the world, and just working out. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel guilty about going. Maybe it sounds silly, but sometimes it is as though my guilt switch got stuck in the “on” position the moment I had a baby. Am I spending enough time with Claire? Poor Neal is at work while I’m enjoying a pretty good life here at home. I shouldn’t be sitting here reading while Claire is napping, I should be cleaning something! I shouldn’t be happy when Claire falls asleep for a nap so I can go downstairs to write!

Seriously – WTF?

So I expected to feel guilty about leaving Claire (albeit with her father) so that I could go work out. But maybe that guilt-switch has finally come un-stuck. Maybe I’m finally realizing that in order to be a good mother, I also need to be good to myself. I have taken on a new role, as a mother, and one that is certainly a major one, but that doesn’t mean that those other qualities I defined myself with before cease to exist. I am still a wife, and a book-lover, and a writer. I still need to take care of myself physically so that I can maintain my health and feel good about myself.

As a bonus, last night also gave Neal and Claire an opportunity to spend some one-on-one time together. It’s not as though I have never left Claire before – I do go out and run errands and leave her with Neal, but still.

On a related note, Sunday should be interesting. Neal’s parents are coming down for the long weekend on Saturday, and Neal has asked them to watch Claire on Sunday evening so that he can take me out for our two-year wedding anniversary (the actual anniversary is Monday, but we will celebrate early while we have “babysitters” in our house!). Now that is going to be weird!