When Hayley was only a few weeks old I wondered if someone had switched my baby with Linda Blair. Every time I nursed her, she would spew back so much milk that I wondered if any of it was actually staying in her body. No matter how much I burped her, no matter how still I kept her after her milk, she would inevitably spit it back up. I did a lot of bleary-eyed laundry in those days because she would need to be changed so often, not to mention all the receiving blankets I went through and my own shirts that didn’t always escape the upchuck.

Perhaps it was a sign of being a slightly hysterical first-time mother, I not only took her to her scheduled check-ups, but I also took her to our family practice three separate times to make sure that all of this spitting up was actually normal and that she wasn’t existing solely on air alone. It was either take her to a doctor or call in a priest for an exorcism, it was a tough choice. The first two times we saw random doctors in the practice, and the last time it was our regular family doctor. All of them assured me that Hayley was fine, showed me how her weight was going up and that some babies just spit up more than others. This was even after Hayley displayed perfect timing by choosing to spit up dramatically right in front of the doctor. After that, I calmed down, and though I still hated how much seemed to come right back up, I trusted that she was fine.

At that time in my life, the spitting up issue was practically all-consuming for me. I worried about it almost constantly. I would worry while I was feeding her, I worried when it happened, I worried about whether it would be so bad the next time. In hindsight, it was such a small problem, and isn’t it funny how each stage with children brings new worries, ones that seem much bigger than the old ones?

Some day I’ll be dealing with a teenage Hayley and worrying about something huge and stressful to me, and I’ll look back on September 2007 the same way I look back on her first few weeks of spitting up – I’ll recognize that it was a Big Honkin’ Deal at the time, but realize it’s nothing much in comparison to the present.

Hayley’s first day at Kindergarten went remarkably well. Then she came down with a wicked cold that left her drained and exhausted and her second day sucked. She’s had a bit of trouble adjusting ever since. She doesn’t want to go to school and it requires gentle yet firm pushing to get her to go. It’s incredibly difficult to feel like we’re forcing her to do something, but it has to be done – she has to go to school. I don’t think it would be in her best interests to take her out and wait another year. Legally we can do that, especially since she started Kindergarten at age four. If she waited until next year, she’d still be only five for the first few weeks. I think it would be a big mistake though, because by the time next year rolls around, she’ll know pretty much everything they learn at that level. As it is, she knows at least half the things they cover in Kindergarten, but if she waits another year she’ll wind up bored, and I certainly don’t want to throw her directly into grade one. Besides, I think that it’s still a bit too early to make a snap decision and remove her from the school.

The humour in all of this is that if anyone asks her if she likes school, she says yes. She loves the toys, the songs, and she seems to enjoy it, but it’s taking some time to get used to actually going and getting through the day. She doesn’t want to go, but if you mention not going back at all, she gets upset. It’s a big internal struggle for her, I think. She misses us when she’s there, but I’m hoping time will help with that, as she gets to know some of the kids. I’m hoping she’ll get to know a couple of kids well enough that I could send a note to the teacher, asking her to pass on my contact info to those parents so we can arrange a playdate on weekends.

I know that some people will automatically say this is my fault because we didn’t put her in daycare or preschool. And you know, I spent a day feeling the same way, blaming myself, berating myself, and my goodness isn’t Parental Guilt ™ a lot of fun? But I’ve had more than one person tell me that their child has had the same trouble adjusting to Kindergarten even if they went to daycare or preschool for years. In fact, I even found out that a little boy in the other Kindergarten class cried for the first four days almost non stop and he’s been in some sort of childcare since the age of one. So it seems it’s got less to do with the whole at-home vs. daycare debate that never ends, and a lot more to do with the child’s personality and adaptability in general. For instance, I stayed at home with my mother for five years and went off to Kindergarten and never cried once about it. For Hayley it’s just her sensitivity and getting used to something new.

I gave her a locket that I had; there’s a picture of me with George on one side and I put a picture of Breanna on the other side. She wears it and when she misses us, she can open it up and look at it to feel better. She calls it her magic locket. If it can help her through her day, all the better.

I know it will take time and eventually she’ll start having fun at school and coming home with big smiles and no more tears in the mornings. She just has to breathe slowly and get through each day as it comes – and so do I. Eventually it will get better. Today wasn’t great, but it was better than yesterday and hopefully tomorrow will be better than today.

If you’ve dealt with difficulty adjusting to school and have some other tips like the locket that make the transition easier, please do feel free to share!

I have so much on my mind. It’s like I need to go out and get a bigger brain just so I can have room for all the crap that is filling my current brain up. Better yet, could someone invent a pensieve like the ones they have in Harry Potter? Then I could take some thoughts and put them away until I have time or energy to deal with them. That would be nice.

Eventually I’ll sort all of them out, but in the meantime I’d rather direct you to a review of the coolest books for kids ever. Seriously. I know that I review books and products, but I only do it if I can be honest about how I feel, so when I say these books are the BOMB I really mean that. Go check it out!

Now I’m going to go comb eBay for a gently used pensieve.

I don’t know if the scale is completely accurate but this site is awesome. It shows how insignificant our planet is (and us too, as its inhabitants) in the grand scheme of things.

If you’re deeply religious, this may be offensive, but I thought it was hilarious! A letter from Jesus.

It was such a whirlwind the past handful of days. With the long weekend (yay Labour Day), I was expecting nothing much to happen, but all of a sudden it was crammed full of activity. We ended up visiting friends for a spontaneous BBQ while the girls splashed in the pool, we went to a local park for Family Day which means eight billion people and a lot of activities, we went to another friend’s house for more swimming and pizza, we were meant to attend a wedding but something urgent came up that prevented it, and I had to get Hayley ready for another day of school. Whew. I’m tired just writing that.

Last night I got to re-experience the joys of a newborn because Breanna was unable to sleep and the longest stretch of slumber that I got was, no kidding, one hour and fifteen minutes long. She came down with a cold and was so congested that she tossed and turned and moaned all night long. Every time I would start to doze off, she would climb on top of me and wail, then fall asleep with her elbow jammed in my throat. That was fun. Toddlers with colds are a true joy, especially when they hate the bulb syringe.

I managed to get up on time this morning and woke Hayley up only to discover she had a sore throat. I asked her if it was really bad and if she wanted to stay home. She was distressed about her throat but equally distressed about staying home from school, so she got up. She wasn’t sniffling or sneezing, and after a glass of juice with breakfast she said her throat was better, so I got her dressed and took her down to the bus.

Today wasn’t so bad, I wasn’t mooning around the apartment missing Hayley every three seconds. That may be due to the fact that Breanna spent most of the day crying hysterically about her nose which she wiped regularly on my shoulder (note to self – toss Hogwarts shirt into washing machine tomorrow morning).

At 2:45 I headed downstairs to wait for Hayley’s bus. When it stopped in front of me, I eagerly awaited Hayley’s smiling face to come bounding off the bus. Instead, a sad little creature slumped off the bus and when she saw me, she burst into tears, telling me, “I, I, I, I, I have a, a, a, (sniff) COOOOOLD!”

It was heartbreaking. I mean, it’s just a cold, it’s not like she came home with a note from the teacher saying, “sorry, but your daughter caught Ebola in the cafeteria and Malaria in the school yard” or anything, but still. Seeing your little not-yet-five-year-old kid come off the bus crying? That’s just sad, no matter what the reason.

Both girls spent the rest of the day lying around the couch or the floor, moaning, sniffing, and occasionally crying. It was a total blast. I knew that Hayley wasn’t faking it at all when she admitted that she actually fell asleep during Quiet Time at school. This is a kid who gave up naps before she turned two, so that takes a special kind of exhausted.

Luckily, we’re still on the progressive entry schedule so she has tomorrow off again while the other half of the class attends their second day of Kindergarten. She goes back on Thursday and then it’s the whole class all together for the first time, so hopefully she’ll be better then. I’m going to keep her quiet tomorrow and see. She usually only takes a day or so to rebound from a cold and then it’s just an occasional outburst of rage over having to blow her nose. If she’s as miserable as she was this afternoon come Thursday morning, I’ll have to keep her home (and parents of all the other kids will thank me), but I know she’s hoping that she’ll feel okay by then because she doesn’t want to miss out on the first big day with all 20 kids together. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I got the kids down to bed, Hayley with some Tylenol Cold, Breanna with some straight up Tylenol, and a humidifier for Breanna since she can’t take a decongestant. Both have woken up in between then and now and have been re-settled. In between that I managed to clean the kitchen, pick up the living room, and catch up on most (but not all) of my work. I’m going to bed though, I’m exhausted and I know the girls aren’t the only ones with a cold. Bah.

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There are photos from Family Day right here.

Also, I got some free shoes to try out, and I reviewed them over here. You should go read it because it includes some details on how you can win one of 50 pairs of shoes per day.

Some great stuff about the constant lead recalls and how to avoid them.

Coolest bookshelf ever.

I am in love with this Bento box ideas site. LOVE.

Today I turned my alarm off. It was set for 6:21 am, but Hayley was already awake at about 6:05 so I got up while George finished getting ready to leave for work. I intended to let Breanna sleep for another half hour or so but Hayley’s excitement must have been contagious, because she came running out with a big smile at 6:15. By 6:25 I was making myself a coffee and getting Hayley started on what will be her new school morning routine.

Despite her excitement, she managed to eat almost a full bowl of cereal. And even though she is usually the slowest person on the face of the Earth, she zipped through the rest of the routine and was ready in half an hour flat. Yesterday when Breanna napped, Hayley and I found pictures in flyers and magazines that matched the things she needs to do every morning, and then we cut them out and pasted them to a piece of cardboard. I hung it on her door and today she would complete each task and then race over to see what was next. (For the curious – 1. Breakfast. 2. Brush teeth. 3. Wash up. 4. Get dressed. 5. Brush hair. 6. Get lunch bag from fridge and backpack. 7. Get downstairs for the bus.)

Just after 7, she told me she had a stomach ache. I asked her if she was nervous and she said no. I knew she actually was and just didn’t recognize it under the excitement. I took her to the bathroom but she didn’t need to go; she felt better anyway and was fine when we got our shoes on. The bus was supposed to pick her up at 7:40 but we were told to be at our stop early just in case. We ended up heading down at 7:25 just to be extra sure.

I was happy to see a mother and two girls waiting on our corner. I asked if they were waiting for the same bus and they were, so I felt better knowing I had someone to wait with, especially since we knew the intersection but not whether it would be on the North, East, South, or West side. The bus eventually got there about five minutes late and it was game on.

My biggest fear was that Hayley, who had been dying to ride a big yellow school bus since age two, would freeze up and start to cry when it was time to actually go. I didn’t want to have to force her onto the bus. When it was her turn to get on, she was hesitant because it was just so big, but then she climbed up with some friendly encouragement from the cheerful bus driver, and she found a seat right up front. She was all giant smiles when she waved good-bye.

Breanna started asking “Where Aylay?” before we even got in the front door. She really missed her big sister. And so.did.I. It was the longest seven hours of my life. I was actually okay, I didn’t even cry until Breanna took her nap and I was all alone in the living room – nap time is when Hayley and I would play games or do things that required a toddler-free zone, and it was strangely empty in my living room today.

The bus was due at 3 but by 2:15 I was understanding Hayley’s excitement that morning because I was suddenly incredibly excited that she was almost ready to come back home. By 2:30 I couldn’t stand it anymore and I put shoes on my feet and Breanna’s feet, and we went downstairs 25 minutes early and we walked up and down the sidewalk (Breanna picked flowers for Hayley, how cute!). I giggled a bit when George’s dad pulled up at 2:55 – he had brought over a stuffed animal Hayley had forgotten at their house but it was so cute how he had casually timed it for her arrival at home.

My second biggest fear was that she would get off the bus with red eyes, that she had been crying all day. She ended up bursting out of the bus doors like she’d been catapulted out, shrieking with excitement.

The best half hour of my day was sitting on the couch while she ate a popsicle, listening to her tell me all about her day. She told me about how nice the teacher is. How they sang songs and listened to stories. How she played with the wooden kitchen set, dollhouse, blocks, a rock collection, and some dinosaurs. How she already had a good friend*, how much she enjoyed the cafeteria, and how she loved running around playing ball and hopscotch at recess and lunch in the kindergarten yard.

The only other time that I cried was just a little bit while she was telling me all about the things she did, just because I was so proud of this big girl who had gone to school for seven hours for the first time and really enjoyed herself. She already can’t wait until Tuesday to go back.

I think Tuesday will be easier, but I’m really glad I get four whole days with her before that happens.

You may notice that she looks just a little excited.

It wasn’t raining like the forecast had predicted but I was glad I had stuffed her rain coat in her bag because it was surprisingly chilly outside.

(That tag that she’s wearing around her neck is her bus pass which helps the bus drivers and teachers make sure everyone is getting on the right bus until everyone is used to where they’re supposed to be.)

I have a school set on Flickr right here. I even have a few pictures up there of the classroom when I went the other night – it’s pretty cool!

*Can I just mention that I am ecstatic that her new friend is one of the two girls who got on and off at her stop? As in she lives in the next building? Hallelujah!

I may fall over dead from the cuteness. I was getting frustrated with Hayley for jumping all over the furniture (and I can’t take her out to the park until later because it’s almost Breanna’s nap time) so to avoid yelling too much on the last day before school, I suggested, through clenched teeth, that she go lie down on her blanket on the floor and look at some books for awhile to practice for the half hour of Quiet Time that they do at the school after lunch.

I just went into her room and both Hayley and Breanna are lying on their backs on Hayley’s quilt (which she had spread on her floor last night in the hopes that her grandfather, who babysat yesterday while George and I visited the school, would sleep over, hee!), flipping through books together. Occasionally I hear a mild scuffle when they both want the same book, but generally it’s very cute.

Breanna’s going to miss Hayley even more than I will tomorrow.