The Waiting Game

Here I am, sitting on the couch at 11:20 at night. It is well-past my bedtime and particularly on a Wednesday, but alas, I have a very good reason to be waiting up.

At the end of August, I drove Neal to the airport. He was going out to Victoria, British Columbia for three months for a military course. I tried to be brave, I tried to hold my emotions in check particularly because we also had Claire with us, but in the end, when it was time for him to walk through security and we had to say our ‘goodbyes’, the emotions ran over and I started to cry. I cried even as I pushed Claire’s stroller back out to the parking garage and put her in the car. Then I pulled myself together for the drive home.

Tonight Neal is coming home. His plane should have landed already, but of course, it is delayed. I have the airline’s website up and every so often I check it again to see if the delay is even worse. God, I hope not – this last leg of his journey isn’t that long, after all!

The last three months weren’t as bad as I thought. Indeed, they weren’t as bad as they were a few years ago when he had to go to Victoria for the same amount of time, before we were married. One might think that having a child would make it harder, as I was on single-parent duty, but in fact, having Claire probably made it easier. For one thing, I was a lot busier, but for another, I was never lonely. I had company for the past three months and to boot, I had excellent company – company that made me laugh and smile on a daily basis, company that gave me hugs and kisses, company that reminded me just how fortunate I am.

That being said, I have missed my husband terribly. He is my best friend, my love, my soul mate if such a thing exists. We have such a wonderful relationship. Tonight I have found myself thinking about various moments, such as:

* The night we met at The Lower Deck – as many of you know, we met in line at a bar on Saint Paddy’s Day. We chatted as the line moved ahead, and just inside the door he bought me a beer from a (very smart) worker who had just stationed himself there to quench everyone’s thirst after the wait. Then Neal went off to find his friends who were somewhere inside while I went to a spot at the bar where I could see the band. I was a little disappointed because this guy I had just met seemed really interesting, but now he had gone off and I doubted that – in the crowd – I would see him again. But lo and behold, he found me only a few minutes later and brought me over to join him and his friend. That was a life-changing evening.

* Fast-forward less than a year when Neal and I were spending New Year’s Eve in Saint John, New Brunswick with some friends who had rented a hotel room downtown so that we would all have a good view of the fireworks. The room was filled with people, many of whom had kids. I remember how, at one point, Neal was kneeling on the bed while a bunch of kids climbed all over him and tackled him. I knew, in that moment, that he would make a wonderful father someday.

* The first couple of days that Claire was born. I had had a C-section, so it was pretty hard to get in and out of bed. Neal took over the task of bringing Claire to me when I was still trying to nurse her and he changed almost all of her diapers in those first few days. One night, in the middle of the night, I watched from the bed as Neal went over to the bassinet and took Claire out, cradling her in his arms as he soothed her with his whispers. I fell in love with him all over again in that moment.

It is the memory of these moments, and the absolute love I have for him that I will stay awake and wait for him to come home instead of crawling into bed or even lying down on the couch for a snooze. After all, neither of us have to go to work tomorrow or Friday (and Claire won’t be going to daycare), so we can have some quiet (and lazy) family time.