My work Christmas party is tomorrow evening. Cocktails start at 6pm, with dinner set for 7pm. I look forward to this every year because it’s always a good time, plus the food has always been spectacular, even with changes in the venue.
I’m really looking forward to it this year as well. For one thing, it gives me an opportunity to get a little dressed up. Since I had Claire the most “dressed up” I usually get is when I sport a pair of jeans and a nice shirt instead of the much more common track or jogging pants. Instead of showering in the morning the way I usually do, I’ll wait until the afternoon, when Neal gets home (he’s going to leave work early) so that he can watch Claire while I take my time doing my hair and putting my makeup on.
But, in spite of how much I am looking forward to this shin-dig, I also have a nice big dose of dread and anxiety. Neal and I are both going to the party, but it’s not open to children, so we’re having our neighbours, Brad and Nina, look after Claire. Don’t get me wrong – I trust Nina and Brad wholeheartedly; they have two children themselves, and so have changed plenty of diapers, given plenty of bottles, and put their own to bed a million times. I know that Claire will be fine.
But then, anxiety isn’t logical.
I’ve been away from Claire plenty of times, mostly when I have run errands, but a few weekends ago, I went to a Mother Blessing for a friend. But Neal is always home with her. He and I left Claire with his parents ONCE, it was only for an hour (we went for dinner for our anniversary), and she was napping most of the time. So for one thing, she had had a full day to get used to Nanny and Grampy again, and for another, she might not have even realized we were gone.
She’s going to know we’re not home tomorrow. I’m almost always the one to put her to bed. She freaks out when someone else she doesn’t know really well holds her even when she can see me.
She will be fine. I know, I know, I know. She may cry holy hell when we leave, but she will settle down. Brad and Nina are going to bring Maddy and Kayden with them, so they should be able to distract Claire. Claire tends to do better when she’s playing on her mats when someone comes up to her, so that’s my plan. I’m going to set her on her mats, have the kids play with her, kiss her goodnight, and leave.
(And probably cry and freak out a little bit once I’m out the door, but that’s a different story. Thank god for free drink tickets!)
Every parent goes through this, particularly if they haven’t left their baby with others very much. I mean, I sometimes find that I really miss her when I’ve just gone to get groceries, and I can’t wait to get home. I just didn’t think it would be this hard for me!
I think that this has contributed to my horrible sleep the past couple of nights. I’m not one prone to insomnia, but on Tuesday night, I only fell asleep between 1 and 2 in the morning. Last night was slightly better; I went to bed around ten, couldn’t sleep, Claire woke up a little after 11 so I changed and fed her and put her back to bed, and finally fell asleep around midnight. I know that no matter what, I have to go tomorrow if only to nip this anxiety thing in the bud. (Plus, I do want to go; I know it’ll be fun)
Sigh.
