There is something I have been dreading and have therefore been putting off. Claire has only ever been taken care of by people other than Neal and I on one occasion. It was our anniversary weekend, and Neal’s parents were down. Neal took me out for supper, so Cathy and Carl watched Claire. We were only gone for an hour, and she napped for most of it, so there’s even a chance that she didn’t even realize we weren’t here.

She often cries when a stranger holds her. She’ll even cry when someone who isn’t a stranger holds her, if she hasn’t had some time to get used to them. That started when she was 4 months old, and there are no signs of it stopping any time soon. And that’s all well and good, making me feel important, but the problem is that in just over 5 short months, Claire is going to have to go to daycare (SOB!!!) because I’ll be going back to work.

Being left in the care of strangers isn’t something I expect Claire – or any baby, really – to get used to quickly. The daycare we have lined up gets you to bring your child for an hour, then a half-day then a full day during the week preceding the first real week. I appreciate that, but it’s not as if that first real day is going to be a breeze for her (or for me).

Thankfully, Cole Harbour Place (which has the gym I go to) has a babysitting program that’s quite reasonably priced. I keep thinking about taking her there sometime soon, and slowly get her used to the idea. First I’d just do some cardio for twenty minutes, and come straight back down. Then maybe half-an-hour. Then maybe combine some cardio with some weights. At least then she would have the opportunity to get used to strangers taking care of her.

I know she would be fine. Probably not happy, but she would be fine. I have spoken to the woman who runs the program. I would only be upstairs. I know it would be good for her in the long run.

And yet. And yet. I keep seeing her in my mind’s eye. The lower lip jutting out. The red face. The big fat tears sliding down her cheeks. I keep hearing her wailing cry as she wonders where Mommy is and why she isn’t coming to take her out of this stranger’s arms. And when I see and hear that in my mind, I decide to put it off. Oh, I don’t feel like going to the gym today. She’s a little cranky so it’s probably not the best time to leave her with someone she doesn’t know. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

I remember being so nonchalant about the idea before she was born. And now? Reality.

Maybe it’s true that she’s not ready. But I think the real truth of the matter is that I’m not.

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I love this photo, but I find that she looks so much older than she really is. It tears at my heart a little bit – I don’t want my little girl to grow up so quickly!

And this picture I love because it really captures the beauty of her eyes.

There is little Claire loves more than feeling the wind on her face. On Sunday, Atlantic Canada had a visit from a Nor’Easter, so Neal bundled her up and brought her outside. I think she’s going to grow up to be a storm-chaser!

Uh-oh. That’s all I have to say about this picture.