Category Archives: OMGWTFBBQ?!

How to turn your daughters into tramps

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I love to watch shows like Dancing With the Stars, and on occasion I will watch So You Think You Can Dance. I love movies that deal with cheerleading. Heck, at one time in my life I wished I was coordinated enough to be a cheerleader myself. I took ballet for almost a decade. While I won’t actively seek it out, I love to watch figure skating.

All of those things have several things in common: Athleticism, coordination, grace (well, not me in ballet, but in general grace, yes), and performance skills. They also have something else in common. They often feature itty bitty costumes. And I love those costumes.

However, there is a big difference between a teenage girl wearing a skimpy outfit or a grown woman on television dancing the tango in a dress so tiny it barely requires any fabric and a group of extremely young girls wearing very little clothing while gyrating wildly and inappropriately to Beyonce on a stage.

I love the song “Single Ladies” even though it’s annoying in the sense that it can get stuck in your head for days. I like the video because good lord Beyonce can dance (though I disagree with Kanye “Imma Let You Finish” West because I don’t think it was the “best video of all time”). I really enjoyed the “All the Single Babies” video that went around awhile back. What I do not love in any way whatsoever is this performance done by 7- or 8-year-old girls at some sort of dance recital or talent show.

It bears noting that each of these girls is a fantastic, spectacular dancer. However, if they’re all able to dance that well and learn that much choreography then someone could have taught them a more age-appropriate routine that would have been amazing. All this ends up being is a disturbingly creepy oversexed performance by little girls who should not be gyrating their hips like that.

I don’t know which bothers me more either – the dancing itself or the fact that people in the audience are hooting and hollering like they’re at some kind of burlesque show. No wait, I know what bothers me most, it’s the people in charge of putting the routine together and the parents who are perfectly okay with their daughters being up there like that. If the parents were unaware it’s one thing but surely they must have caught some bits and pieces of the performance while the kids were practicing it at home.

If I was in the audience and my kid was up there on that stage I guarantee I wouldn’t have been cheering. I would have been sitting there with my jaw on the floor and as soon as it was over my daughter would have been yanked out of that dance class in order to find a more appropriate one.

Somewhere out there I’ll bet that Beyonce is shaking her head thinking, “that’s just not right” and Noah Cyrus is thinking, “AWESOME, I have to get that one down!”

When are people going to let little girls just BE little girls again?

God forbid we ever let kids just be kids

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I have two girls, as you already know if this isn’t your first time reading here. They are four and seven and they play with dolls and dinosaurs, blocks and puppets, and they love the cartoons on Playhouse Disney. Every once in awhile my seven-year-old says or does something that is a clear reminder she’s in school and influenced by those who are older than she is; sometimes my four-year-old says or does something that she’s learned from a sister who is three years older than she is.

Overall though, my girls are girls. They aren’t acting like tweens or teen or tiny little adults. They’re girls, they’re kids, they’re children.

But GOD FORBID the world should ever let kids be kids. And as soon as I type and post this I think I’m going to talk my oldest into taking down the one remaining Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana poster she has up in her room and replacing it with something else. Because at this point I don’t think I want anything in our home that is in any way, shape, or form related to the name “Cyrus”.

Aside from doing that, I wish I could go grab Miley’s parents by the shoulders and give each of them a good shake while shrieking, “Billy Ray! Tish! LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU MORONS!”

No, this time it’s not about Miley. Miley’s kind of off my radar ever since her pole dancing at the VMAs and when I saw her at the Grammys she was dressed pretty appropriately for her age instead of an oversexed 16-year-old made to look like she’s 25.

It’s her sister, Noah. Who is NINE. Noah has already been seen on video doing pole dancing of her own (her sister does it, so it must be cool!). She’s also been seen on YouTube singing “Smack That” while slapping her own ass. Did I mention she’s nine?

Anyway, as if that weren’t all appalling enough, Noah and her equally young friend Erica are going to promote and model for a children’s lingerie line.

Can you let that sink in for a second? A lingerie line. Designed for kids. KIDS IN LINGERIE. Pardon my potty mouth but what the fuck? Who EVER sat in a board meeting and uttered the words, “A line of lingerie designed for pre-pubescent girls, that sounds awesome!”?

The Emily Grace Collection is described as such:

“ [The line has a] trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel, reminiscent of Emily’s true personality. She is collaborating with Ooh! La, La! Couture designers to create versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look. Emily’s collection will appeal not just to little girls – the line also has an exclusive Teen Collection available to a size 14.”

Lace stockings and boots? For kids? REALLY?

Check this out, this is Emily and Noah talking to Noah about the line:

LOVE that Emily is wearing fishnets and leopard print. Because that totally screams “little girl” except not. I’ve seen someone wearing leopard print dresses with fishnets before. She was standing on a corner outside Burger King waiting for some guy named “John” if you get what I’m saying and I think you do.

Why do we live in a world where people think it’s okay to make thongs and lingerie for kids and reward little girls for acting like they’re 20 years old? Why are there shows about creating some sort of phony “perfect” pageant girl? It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not charming. It’s disgusting and dangerous and immoral.

I can’t wait until school lets out this afternoon so I can sit on the floor with my kids and put on a puppet show. You know, things that kids are supposed to do.

Does the Canadian Medical Association support the use of Roofies too?

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Imagine you’re in a bar or out on a date and you’re enjoying a drink with that cute guy you’ve been chatting up and then all of a sudden you get a bit fuzzy. You pass out and later you wake up in a strange bed with your clothes on the floor and although you have no clear memories you realize that you’ve very obviously been violated.

That’s called date rape.

Now imagine you’re in a hospital and you’re knocked out under general anesthesia so that your doctor can perform a routine surgery on you. You then wake up with no clear memories but later you read an article that says that if you were in a Canadian teaching hospital you may very well have undergone an unnecessary pelvic exam by a medical student or perhaps even *numerous* medical students.

That’s called acceptable by the Canadian Medical Association.

Really? That’s acceptable, to allow medical students to poke around in an unconscious woman’s va-jay-jay without permission? I guess acceptable is one word for it, but I prefer two words: Fucked Up.

This article in the Globe and Mail says this:

The long-standing argument in favour of allowing these exams to be done on surgery patients is that it provides a unique opportunity for students to practice the delicate, invasive examination without causing the woman pain or embarrassment.

A pelvic exam without pain or embarrassment? Okay, fine. I think most people would prefer a small and brief amount of pain and discomfort over the thought of not finding out something is wrong until it’s too late. As for embarrassment, well, I’m not someone who jumps for joy over the idea of a pelvic exam but I wouldn’t say I’m embarrassed either. However, I know some women are, so yes having a pelvic exam while you’re out cold would indeed save on both the pain and potential embarrassment.

But WITH consent! Except, the article goes on to say this:

There is also an assumption that women would never accept pelvic exams by students while conscious so sneaking them in, while not ideal, is acceptable.

I… God. I am almost at a loss for words except no, it’s more like I have too many words that want to get out at the same time and all of them would make a sailor blush. SNEAKING a pelvic exam on someone because you ASSUME that the woman in question WOULD SAY NO is what the CMA calls ACCEPTABLE?

Pardon my abuse of the caps lock and my upcoming profanity but what in the fuck is wrong with this picture? You know, really, imagine a guy saying, “I assume that woman won’t sleep with me so I’ll dump this Roofie in her wine and I’ll just SNEAK IT IN. It’s not ideal but it’s acceptable.”

Maybe the difference in those two scenarios is that some of the people wear white coats and surgical masks and gloves, I don’t know.

I gave birth in a teaching hospital in Montreal. I was followed not only by my obstetrician but by various residents studying under him and that was fine. I had a pelvic exam by a med student – after I was ASKED and after I said YES and while I was AWAKE – and that was fine. I had a bunch of student nurses in the room while I was in labor and other than the fact that I wanted to slap one of them for asking me open-ended questions while I was painfully contracting, it was fine. When I actually pushed my baby out there were so many doctors, residents, and med students watching that they could have brought a film crew in and I wouldn’t have noticed.

I get the concept of a teaching hospital and obviously these students need to practice on someone. Anyone can read the medical books but you won’t get far if you’re not actually practicing what you’re learning.

But permission MUST be sought out to do something as invasive and personal as a pelvic exam. For the CMA to consider this to be acceptable in any way is disgusting and unethical. How are Canadian women supposed to feel safe and comfortable while going into surgeries now?

The sad part is that the article gives this statistic:

Sixty-two per cent of respondents said they would consent to medical students doing pelvic exams, and an additional 5 per cent said “yes” but only if a female student was doing the exam.

So 62% said yes, 67% if it was a female. That’s not everyone but it’s a respectable number of patients who would be willing to left students prod around for the sake of a teaching moment.

What’s scary though is that 33% would have said no but may have had no choice in the matter.

If those 33% were drugged and violated the courts would call it rape, but if those 33% were knocked out and examined then apparently the CMA calls it science.

Over here Catherine is gearing up to write an open letter and petition to the CMA about this horrifying lack of respect. And over here Shannon makes an interesting point by reminding us that even the dead must have given consent for their bodies to be used in any scientific or educational manner, so essentially the CMA is treating live women and their bodies with less respect than someone who is dead.

I know how that makes ME feel. How does it make you feel?

Why I'll be steering my kids towards the Jonas Brothers and away from Miley Cyrus

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I’ve been trying to wrap my head around something for several days. The 2009 Teen Choice Awards were taped on Sunday night and they aired on Monday. However, this is the Internet world with YouTube and Twitter and Flickr, and so long before the show aired I had heard that Miley Cyrus did a pole dance during her performance.

I was confused when I heard this. Miley has made some mistakes in her short career but overall she’s a pretty good girl, an average teenager, and at least one of her parents (usually both) are at all her shows to keep her head on straight. I thought that certainly someone was exaggerating something innocent. You know, like maybe Miley had grabbed a support pole as she skipped past and lost her balance or… something?

Well, no.

miley

No, Miley wore short-shorts, high heeled boots, and danced on top of an ice cream truck with a POLE.

I need to state for the record that I am not now, nor have I ever been a prude. Not even close. And I will admit that her routine was tame. It wasn’t a re-enactment of Showgirls with Miley twirling upside down on a pole, legs spread in the air or anything. That being said, she is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. She is an underage teenage girl. On top of that, she’s an underage teenage girl associated with Disney and a role model to very young girls.

If Miley wants to break free from that, I don’t blame her, I get it. But she needs to remove herself from the whole Hannah Montana phenomenon first. When you have fans as young as four or five years old, gyrating – even for a moment – along a pole in an itty bitty outfit and hooker heel boots is inappropriate. I’m so glad my kids were in bed, so I would have to explain that no, they can’t dance like that on the poles that hold up the play structures at the park because it’s (as I said) INAPPROPRIATE.

The thing is, I can’t really blame Miley herself. She’s gotten herself into so much trouble before that you’d think she’d learn by now (hello, stop taking half-naked pictures of yourself and maybe avoid racial slurs that you think are funny) but she’s still 16 years old. She probably thought she was being cool. I remember being 16, and I probably would have thought so too.

But did I mention that her parents are at pretty much every performance she does? Also, her manager is HER MOTHER. Her mother approved that routine? Seriously? Well apparently, because Billy Ray and Tish stood up and applauded their little girl up there, proud as all hell. Makes you think they just really like the money Miley brings in with her massive empire of products. Well, you know who else liked the money her daughter was pulling in? Dinah Lohan. Have you seen what’s happened to Lindsay Lohan over the years?

The truth is I think the Jonas Brothers SUCK. I’ve admittedly never heard any of their recorded albums, I just know that every time I hear them live on some awards show I can’t get past the fact that they’re constantly out of tune. But you know what? I’ll get their albums and some posters and see what Hayley thinks of them because three boys with purity rings are better role models than a pole-dancing teenager.

Dude, just say no.

Sometimes people are unbelievable

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You would think, having worked in technical support/customer service for several years once upon a lifetime that I wouldn’t be surprised by idiocy anymore. And yet, sometimes I still find myself stunned by people who are giant asshats.

George and the girls are “camping” in the living room again tonight so I said I would take Pearl out for her last pee of the night before putting her in her crate so that George wouldn’t have to do it. When I take her out in those cases, I usually go out the front door, let her pee down by the sidewalk, and then walk around to the other door.

When I got to that door, I saw a woman standing inside in the stairwell with a little Bichon Frise on a leash. I had seen a car in the parking lot, with the engine running to warm it up, so I figured she was waiting while her husband got the car ready. She spotted me coming and pushed the door open for me. Then she noticed Pearl trotting along at my heels.

The woman looked at her own dog, then started to pull the door closed while shaking her head. Stunned, I reached out and grabbed the handle to keep it open. She said, “No, no, you have to go around!” I held my keys up to her and said, “no, I live here, I can come in either door.”

Then she actually got ANGRY with me, still trying to close the door on me – a visitor to the building trying to close the door on a tenant! – and insisted, “No! Go around! You can’t come in this way!” She glared at Pearl to make her point.

By then I was fed up because it’s cold outside and I wanted to get into my warm apartment and put my dog to bed so I could go relax with a hot cup of green tea before bed. Pissed off, I yanked the door wide open and said, “My dog and I both live here! This is my fucking home, and if I want to come in through this door I bloody well can, now move out of my way!”

She hissed a nervous, “no, no, no!” at Pearl as we walked in, as though she was worried her dog might suffer the horror of being sniffed by a Beagle. She needn’t have worried; Pearl was mildly curious but also very tired and had no real interest in getting to know this new animal.

I just tossed a look of disgust over my shoulder as I headed up the stairs, and called it a night.

Maybe she’s had some sort of bad experience with a dog jumping hers, but:

a. I have a medium sized Beagle. I wasn’t walking a giant Rottweiler – even though Rottweilers are one of my favorite dogs, and can be quite gentle, at least I could understand being nervous of a large dog with a head bigger than your own entire dog.

b. If she has a dog she should understand dog language. Pearl’s ears weren’t flat, she wasn’t growling, and she wasn’t crouching. There was nothing to hint at aggression. She was, however, wagging her tail so hard her butt was shaking, and her tongue was hanging out of her mouth in happiness.

c. MY HOME! If she had been a tenant and didn’t recognize me, I could understand a little, but she was a visitor in MY apartment building. There was no way I was going to tolerate being shut out of my own damn apartment building.

I love people. This is why I want a cabin deep in the woods somewhere. Fewer morons that way.