This is just brilliant – Forrest Gump in one minute, and one take. Love it!
Author Archives: Sherry
Awesome relationship moments
When I was reading this hilarious entry over on MamaTulip’s site, I laughed. But then I read Katie of Motherbumper‘s comment on the entry. She said this:
I double checked, and you are right, there is nothing in the vows about that but there is a clause that states HE must be able to select and purchase the correct flow-requirements and preferred brand of feminine protection without breaking a sweat or being embarrassed. It’s a double standard really, but fair trade I think.
That sparked a memory from November that still makes me laugh so hard that I just had to share.
I know that there actually are men out there who are so squeamish about a woman’s period that they can’t even bring themselves to walk into a pharmacy and buy pads for their wife. While I understand that different people are embarrassed by different things, I’ve never really gotten the aversion some men have to picking up a pack of pads and paying for them. I mean, it’s not like anyone is going to think they’re buying them for themselves, right?
I’m lucky though. George occasionally rolls his eyes or jokingly refuses to buy me any when I put them on the list or ask him to pick some up on his way home, but he truly has no problem with buying them. It probably helps that I’m not all that picky. If I’m in the store buying them myself, there are specific brands and types and blablabla that I prefer, but if I’m on the phone asking him to buy pads, I don’t really care. For the most part they tend to work really well regardless of brand.
That means he doesn’t have to pay much attention to what he’s buying and he usually just strolls down the feminine hygiene aisle looking for the one that’s on sale for the lowest price.
This can, apparently, be a mistake.
One day I asked him to pick some pads up while he was out. And by “ask” what I really mean is that I moaned, “Oh my GOD, I need some fucking pads, oh my god, cramps, augh!” To that he responded with a negative, at which point I said, “fine, I’ll just use your socks again” and he scratched his head and asked, “oh is that what was wrong with them last month?” I know. We’re dorks.
So off he went and he bought all the stuff he was supposed to get and then he came home with a few bags. I started unpacking groceries and putting things away, and then from the bottom of the last bag, I pulled out a package. And I stared, somewhat incredulous. And then I started to laugh hysterically.
Maybe I need to develop brand loyalty after all, and demand ONLY that pad from now on. Because George bought me Poise “discreet bladder protection” pads.
Really, it was a dangerous mistake. I don’t know about you, but my PMS can swing pretty wildly. I *could* have gone completely batshit crazy and started crying. Luckily I was on an “up” swing right then and the only tears were from the laughter. I laughed so hard that I’m surprised I didn’t pee my pants.
Too bad, really, because dude, I was totally prepared for loss of bladder control.
Rain, pain, and something awesome
It was pouring rain this morning, which is not necessarily the best way to get me to leap out of bed with joy at meeting the a.m. you know? Rainy weather is what usually makes me want to lie in bed with the covers pulled up high, a cup of coffee on the night table, and a good book (or my laptop) in my hands. Unfortunately, it was Wednesday, not Sunday, so there was no lounging to be had.
When we got outside, Hayley at least made me smile. The water was rushing down the streets and gushing loudly into the sewers. She heard the gurgling sound, stopped to listen for a second, umbrella clutched in her hands, and then she grinned and said, “Mommy! The sewers are singing a song with the water!”
I guess rain can’t be all bad if it’s musical, right?
*******
She was less cheery when she came home from school. At lunch recess she was running around and someone bumped into her, knocking her to the ground, and she sprained her ankle. We wrapped it up in a bandage to help her out, but she spent the rest of the afternoon and evening either crawling or sitting on a cushion and scooting herself around the floors. I pointed out that she can’t crawl all over the school tomorrow and eventually managed to get her to walk around by showing her how to put minimal weight on that foot, but good lord.
The DRAMA.
I don’t mean to sound like an uncaring mother, and I know a sprain hurts. But I guarantee, a greater drama queen has never existed. To listen to her moan about it you would think that she had actually shattered every bone in her body.
I think I’ll be sending a note into the school asking them not to make her go out for recess or lunch recess if she doesn’t feel up to it.
*******
Something awesome happened back in early February, but I was asked to keep it on the down low until everything was formalized. That was HARD because I was excited. However, everything is up and running now so I am free to spread the word.
Catherine of Her Bad Mother contacted me to let me know that the Silicon Valley Moms blog had expanded and was now adding a Canada Moms Blog to its impressive roster. That’s interesting enough, but they wanted me to be one of the writers for it.
I can’t tell you how flattered and honored I was to be asked. Seriously. When I saw the final list of contributing bloggers, there were so many names that I recognized because I read them all the time; the names I didn’t know were immediately added to my Google Reader list and let me tell you, I am in some EXCELLENT company over there.
We’ve been posting for a little while now but I wanted to wait until I had something to add as well. Today I finally got my first post up – please feel free to pop on over to read “All Aboard for Junk Food” and while you’re at it, throw a comment in if you could. Then when you’re done be sure to check out the other incredible bloggers with whom I am sharing the space.
Pretty damn cool!
56 hours of my life in photos
On Friday morning, Hayley’s last official day of March break, my alarm went off with a vengeance at 6:30 am. By 10 am I was sitting with George, Hayley, and Breanna on a train heading to Toronto.
The girls were remarkably good considering it’s five and a half hours sitting in seats. Breanna started to fuss about an hour out of Toronto but it was because she was tired; she finally fell asleep and got a half hour in which made a big difference for her. Overall they really enjoyed the train and we kept them busy with lots of coloring books, notepads, books, impromptu games (I taught Hayley to play Boxes, she did great!), and snacks.
We had gone to Toronto for George’s sister Elsa’s wedding, so we went to her condo first, where we were staying for the weekend, had a bite to eat since we were STARVING, and then we went to a hotel to visit with some family from out of town. It was tiring but fun to see everyone. We were all wiped out, but still hungry, so we stopped at a Kentucky Fried Chicken to pick up some food, ate a piece each, then we all crashed by 10 pm.
I don’t sleep well away from home the first couple of days so I was awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night, and then we were all jolted awake by a blaring siren coming from the ceiling. George called his sister to ask what the hell it was and she said if there was any problem we’d hear a voice telling us what to do from the speakers in the ceiling, and that’s exactly what happened – like the voice of God or something. It was weird. A security guard from the lobby announced there was a fire in one of the parking levels and to stay tuned for further instruction. We immediately got everyone dressed and waited by the door; fire trucks came and then within five minutes they announced it was a false alarm. Alas, it was 7:15 am and we were all groggy but far too awake to go back to sleep then.
Luckily, the building has a big pool and spa room so after breakfast I took the girls downstairs and we alternated between swimming in the smaller pool and relaxing in the spa for an hour. It was really nice and I would have stayed longer if we hadn’t had things to do. We had to hurry to get ready because Hayley and Breanna were flower girls in the wedding, so we had to get them over to the wedding site to get them dressed and to have photos done.
Desperation
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Breanna is still coughing like a crazy person so she couldn’t really go outside to play since it was pretty cold out. Also, with Hayley off from school, we sent her extremely filthy snow suit over to George’s parents’ house since they have a clothesline in their basement. As a result, no one was able to go out to this afternoon.
Unfortunately, I had to work. Also, my laptop decided to commit suicide by way of a corrupted boot disk or some such thing, so George was hard at work trying to work his way in to save my documents and whatnot so that he could format and re-install my operating system (dear Vista, I hate you). By the way, he did indeed find that last resort success when he managed to use a CD to boot up in Linux, and he pulled all my files to safety. PLEASE BACK YOUR SHIT UP. You don’t want to know how many times I was thinking I would need to breathe into a paper bag last night when I couldn’t sleep because I hadn’t backed up in “awhile” and by “awhile” I really mean “what kind of idiot doesn’t back up over a year of photos, holy crap?!”
Anyway.
So when I get desperate for a bit of peace amongst fighting siblings, you can tell because that’s when I do something crazy. Today that showed when I pulled out the Moon Sand. Let me put it to you this way: I bought them Moon Sand as a joint Christmas present in 2007 and I think this was the 4th time it’s been out. It’s not as cool as it looks on TV, but the biggest problem is that it’s a pain of epic proportions to clean it up when they’re done.
However, I have to say that this sand – which used to be white, blue, purple, pink, and yellow, and is now a big blob of gray – kept those kids playing for over two and a half hours together. There was minimal arguing, I only had to step in a few times to remind Hayley that it’s not fair to hog 7/8 of the sand while leaving a wee pile for Breanna, and they were mostly quiet other than the chattering at each other. Two and a half hours!
Seriously, that more than made up for the fact that it took me about 20 minutes to completely clean it up when they were done. Still, I am looking forward to getting that snow suit back and taking them outside to burn off some steam.
What’s your desperate time filler?
Strange concepts really can work
That photo has nothing to do with my entry but I love it anyway because that is the look of sheer anticipation and joy. Pearl is a typical Beagle in that she is cute but also an awful, horrible, no-good day dog. However, if there is ever anything I can do to get her to calm down and behave herself for a few minutes, it’s while I am busy filling up her Kong toy with peanut butter.
When I mentioned that Breanna was waking up every night because her cough kept her from sleeping, a few people suggested that I put Vicks Vapor Rub on her feet at bed time. I had actually heard that before, but had always thought it was an old wive’s tale, right up there with not raising your arms overheard while pregnant because you’ll strangle your unborn baby with the umbilical cord (yes, I was told this once). I didn’t think it would actually do anything and was reluctant to try it because I knew you weren’t supposed to use the rub on a young child’s chest because the camphor is too strong for their lungs and could cause seizures, blablabladeathandmayhem.
And you know, while I know safety standards evolve, that’s one of those things that makes me stop and ask, “really?” Because I don’t know about you, but I spent a great deal of my childhood with Vicks on my chest so I could breathe at night during cold and flu attacks and I never had a seizure, died, or grew a second head. Sometimes I wonder how the human race has survived at all!
Anyway! After a bit of research I determined that putting the rub on Breanna’s feet wouldn’t endanger her health and, depending on who you asked, it would either help her or do diddly squat to keep her cough at bay. The thing is, although I had heard of the theory before, people leaving comments on my blog and emailing me were actual people who had tried it, not just some anecdotal story about someone’s best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend who heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl (Ferris Bueller ahoy!) who tried it out and had it work. I figured I had little to lose and a whole evening of peace to gain, so why not?
I put a thin layer on, stuck her socks on, and got her into bed. She fell asleep easily and quickly, and then proceeded to sleep. For hours! She did not wake up coughing. I had an entire evening where I only had to listen to the breeze blowing through my brain. It was so relaxing and I was able to unwind. The best part was that Breanna also needed that sleep; she woke up so much more refreshed this morning, having finally gotten a good night of sleep again. I am a total believer.
She’s currently sleeping with about half a jar of vapor rub on each foot. This stuff is awesome. It’s the only reason I was able to watch a special night of Criminal Minds, drink two cups of tea, and read more of the very excellent Slumdog Millionaire which is, not surprisingly, even more excellent than the movie was.
Hope your Sunday evening was relaxing and cough-free too!
Diagnosis – really?
As planned, I took Breanna to the clinic today because it was absolutely necessary to see if she needed more than just rest and fluids. Once again she had woken up last night, about half an hour after falling asleep and she was freaking out, so I brought her out to the living room – partly because I was right in the middle of catching up on some work and partly because I didn’t want her to wake up Hayley who was exhausted beyond belief after Carnival day at school yesterday.
She sat up for a few minutes, then fell asleep sitting up. Her head kept flopping over and she’d do that jerking thing with her head, similar to the way people do when they fall asleep on the bus or metro (I used to do that *all the time* when I had early classes in college, it was so embarrassing). I did try to get her to lie down on a pile of pillows to prop her up, but she got angry so I left her alone, after taking her picture of course. Eventually she flopped right over and I covered her up while she slept for an hour or so until I finished working and took her back to bed.
When we went in today I fully expected to walk out with antibiotics because I was sure that she had bronchitis again. We did indeed get the antibiotics, but it was for a double ear infection. I had no idea, we’ve never experienced those with either of the kids before. She had none of the usual obvious signs – she didn’t have a fever and she had no ear pain whatsoever. However, sure enough, her right ear had a raging infection and the left had the start of a small one. Awesome.
As for the cough, she told me to just make sure Breanna drinks a lot of fluids. She said the tonsils and back of her throat were a bit inflamed but not infected, and said that even if it did start to develop into tonsillitis, the antibiotics we were getting would take care of that too.
Poor kid.
Even worse, after she had her nap and some lunch, I prepped her first dose of the antibiotics. I have always, ALWAYS tasted medicine before giving it to my kids. Holy GOD. That was the worse medicine I have ever had the misfortune to taste test. Awful doesn’t even cut it. Let me put it to you this way: Have you ever taken that nasty rocket fuel Buckley’s for a cough? You know how it works by tasting so incredibly disgusting that it scares the germs away?
Buckley’s tastes like frickin’ CANDY compared to this stuff.
I had no idea how I was going to pull it off, but I forgot that Breanna is a trooper through and through. The first dose was a big one, bigger than the rest are, so I used the syringe to unload about half of it into her mouth – and I’m not mean, I warned her first that it didn’t taste very good, because I didn’t want to have her spit it all back out in horror. She shuddered and her eyes bulged out, but she got it down, and did the same for the second half. There was a lot of gasping and noise-making as she ran to the kitchen with me to have some water and eat another bite of her lunch to get rid of it, but she did it. Hopefully she’ll be just as tough tomorrow, now that she knows what to expect.
A.W.F.U.L. If life was a horror movie, that stuff would be the top secret government lab experiment gone wrong that accidentally gets leaked out and turns people into flesh-eating, brain-guzzling zombies that need to be shot and burned and scattered in three separate locations.
(What? What do you mean I need to stop watching so many horror movies? I have no idea what you’re talking about!)
The good news of the day was that the clinic is right across from a Tim Horton’s and I had five bucks in my pocket so I bought six and ate one with my coffee when I got back home at 9 o’clock. Not the usual healthy breakfast that I have every day, but hey, when I’ve had two sick kids in a row with overlap and everything, I think I deserve a double chocolate glazed donut with my coffee!
Second verse, same as the first!
Apropos of nothing, really, I’ve started styling Breanna’s hair in a little bun high up on top of her head. Surprisingly, she really loves it. There are only three ways she likes her hair – loose (which unfortunately causes knots), in two braids, or this bun. This is my favorite of all, I think it makes her look even cuter than usual; George said it makes her look like Raven Simone did when she was a little kid on The Cosby Show, and he’s absolutely right.
Apropos of everything these days, now it’s Breanna’s turn to be sick. Hayley still isn’t 100% but she’s well enough that she finally went back to school on Wednesday, a full week of sickness behind her. Luckily she didn’t seem to be too far behind and we’ll catch up on the homework over March break. She nearly didn’t survive today, which was Carnival Day at the school. They played outside a lot (the weather today was perfect, not cold at all and the snow was perfect for building snowmen) by playing games, going on a horse-drawn bus ride, and enjoyed a big bouncy house in the gym. After lunch they let them all wind down by watching a movie, and by the time she came home she was a big pile of exhausted. I’m surprised she didn’t spontaneously combust from the tired-related, end-of-plague crankiness. It took her less than three minutes to fall asleep.
Overall though, Hayley is okay other than the sporadic coughing and the sniffing. Have I mentioned my hatred of sniffing? It makes me insane. But it’s getting better.
Breanna, on the other hand, is a whole big mess. The faucet in her nose sprang a leak and she still can’t really blow her nose very well so it’s driving her crazy. She hasn’t really been feverish, but she has the worst cough ever. She sounds like a little old man who’s been smoking two packs a day for the past 60 years. She can’t sleep long without waking herself up with a coughing fit. We’re taking her to the doctor tomorrow because she had bronchitis this time last year and I want to see if that’s what this is again. On the other hand, the sound of her cough fits better with the description of “the barking seals of Croup” so it could be that too.
If ever I wanted another baby, this tag-team sickness is curing any such desire – mostly because I am remembering what sleep deprivation is. The past few nights I’ve only had a handful of hours of sleep and most of them are broken into 20-30 minute stretches. I don’t think I can willingly go back to that.
Of course, it’s not just me. After all, the reason I’m not sleeping much is because Breanna isn’t either, so the poor kid is overtired and cranky almost 24/7 right now. There are large parts of the day where asking her a question results in high-pitched shrieking, as though we were torturing her instead of just asking if she’d like some more water.
I am doing everything I can think of, beyond the basic “wash your hands eight hundred times a day” concept, something I do anyway, in order to prevent getting sick myself. Next Friday morning we have to get on a train and head to Toronto for my sister-in-law’s wedding. I can’t imagine a five hour train ride when you feel like Death.
Please go douse your hands in bleach after you’re done reading this, I’d hate to pass all of our germs on to you!
'Round these here parts
Things have been somewhat chaotic here lately, living up to the name of my blog quite nicely. On Tuesday, as I mentioned, Hayley came home early from school because she was sick. I feel bad admitting that I thought she was faking or at least exaggerating it. Hayley goes to bed at 8 pm on school nights but often stays awake reading until at least 9:30, sometimes 10 pm and then she has to get up at 6:30 the next morning. I really thought that she was just overtired, because I know that sometimes I feel like utter crap when I haven’t had enough sleep. Then her body got completely run down with a raging fever that night and I realized that she actually was sick.
She’s been sick ever since. She never went back to school for the remainder of the week. She’s had low fevers and high fevers, and fevers in between. Once in awhile it will break but it keeps coming back to fight off whatever she has. It’s really difficult for me to become alarmed over a fever (though I did raise my eyebrows at the thermometer a few times) because they serve a purpose, to kill off the germs that are making you sick. They really don’t phase me.
What HAS surprised me is her sleeping. My amazing, non-sleeping, poster child for the anti-sleep movement has been falling asleep quickly at night, sleeping in a bit in the mornings, and more importantly, falling asleep during the day. Today she woke up at about 8:30, putzed around, and fell asleep in the recliner at 11:30 for half an hour. Then she woke up, had a piece of toast with peanut butter and jelly, and ended up falling asleep again at 1:30 for another half hour.
We’re not sending her to school tomorrow either, we’re going to take her to the doctor to see if she just has the flu or if she has something that needs antibiotics. As much as she can drive me crazy when she’s running around and being loud, it’s very sad to see her lying around on the couch, all tiny and worn out.
*******
Today it’s been ten whole years that George and I have been together. It’s a bit shocking, really, to think that it’s been that long. In some ways, working at the studio (where we met) feels like it was a whole other lifetime ago, but at the same time I don’t know how the time has flown by so quickly.
We had planned on going out to dinner tonight, either to Au Vieux Duluth or to Pacini’s (mmm, bread bar), but with Hayley still being sick we don’t want to leave her. Her grandfather was still willing to come watch the kids for a couple of hours but she’s fluctuating between being really quiet and being really upset, plus we don’t want him to get sick too. We’ll just order something in instead, and when the kids go to bed we’ll either watch a movie or kick each other’s ass in Wii Sports again, something we’ve been doing the past few nights.
I figure we have to practice because Breanna, at all of three years and change, won her boxing match the other day with no trouble whatsoever.
She takes it so seriously!
And really, you know, it would be much quieter if we went out for dinner or if, like last year, we could send the kids over to his parents’ place while we ordered in. It would be nice to finish a whole meal without getting up and have an uninterrupted conversation, but we can always try to go out some other night when everyone is healthy again. For now, we’re celebrating with one sniffly, feverish, coughing six-year-old and one loud, energetic three-year-old.
Ah, the things that change over ten years!
A tingly food sensation
Breanna and Hayley have both inherited a strange genetic quirk that doesn’t allow us to sit like normal people on a chair. Oh sure, we can do it if we must, like at a restaurant or a fancy party. I can also remember to sit properly while wearing a skirt of dress; we’re still working on the kids for that one.
However for the most part, I sit with one leg tucked under me. So do Hayley and Breanna. Usually it’s easy to remember to shift from one leg to the other, but if I get distracted I end up with my foot falling asleep. Which is what happened at supper last night to Breanna, but she has a bit of trouble remembering the right terminology.
Breanna: Oh! What’s in my foot?!
George: What?
Breanna: What’s in my foot? Oh! I know! Beans and weiners!
George: …
Sherry: Pins and needles, sweetheart.
I then royally offended her by laughing uncontrollably, but I managed to explain that I wasn’t laughing to make fun of her, I was just laughing because it was funny and cute.
I love kids, they’re so unintentionally hilarious.