The Storm

Posted on May 28, 2013 by amanda

Ever hear of a Claire-Storm? I can guarantee that if you lived in my vicinity, you would have heard it. Ohemgee. Claire has had a bit of a temper since she was a baby – I guess it’s one of the not-so-great side effects of having a very determined little girl. I’m sure it will come in handy when she’s older because hopefully it means she will go after what she wants in life, but in the meantime…

This morning, Claire was in a good mood. Although I had to wake her up (the usual for weekday mornings), she was pretty easy to get out of bed. She let me change her diaper and get her dressed with no fuss at all. We came out to the living room and watched “The Backyardigans”. She brushed her teeth and allowed me to finish up the job. I got all our stuff together.

But by the time we had to leave, she had started to play with her dollhouse. Now, that dollhouse was one of the best things I have bought for Claire because she plays with that nearly every single day. I don’t think she plays with anything else as much as she plays with that. I told her that it was time to go and she could play with the dollhouse tonight when we got home, but of course, she was having none of that. Although she loves daycare and always has fun there, she had no interest in going this morning.

I tried my usual (empty) threat of leaving without her, telling her she’d have to stay at home all by herself. I went down the stairs to the foyer, rustled my jacket, opened and then closed the front door, and locked it loudly. I stood very quietly in the foyer and listened. It isn’t usually very long before I hear a slightly concerned “Mommy?” before she scrambles to her feet and comes to see if I am still here. Then we get our shoes and coats on and out we go.

Not today. She called my bluff and I realized that that trick is now used up.

So I did the only thing left available to me. I picked her up, kicking and screaming, and because she was thrashing around too much for me to do very much, I carried her outside to the car with no coat, no shoes, no socks. I’m sure it was quite the sight for anyone who happened to look out their windows at us.

It was enough of a shock that she quieted down right away and after I sat her in her car seat, I was able to put her socks and shoes on, although I was not about to start fussing with her coat at that point. I got in the car, backed out onto the street and heard a forlorn “Coat? Coat!!” followed by slightly-less-hysterical crying.

She was fine by the time we got to daycare and I was able to put her coat on her before I got her out of the car. I was told by one of her teachers that she had a great day, and was a real goofball.

Most of this evening was good. We had supper, we went out and did some weeding. She put up a little bit of a fuss when it was time to come back into the house (Claire would live outside if she could) and kept trying to put off having a bath, but it wasn’t too bad. Then I took her out and started to get her ready to put her diaper on.

And the Claire-Storm hit again.

Screaming, crying, thrashing. The absolute impossibility of getting a diaper on her, and even when I did manage at one point when she quieted down (the Eye of the Claire Storm), she then started yanking it off again. She kept protesting that she wanted to “Go pee! Go pee!” Whereupon she would go sit on her potty and, predictably, not pee.

And you know what? That’s fine that she’s not actually peeing in her potty. I am aware that it is part of the process. She can sit on her potty regularly until she does pee, I’ll congratulate and make a great big happy fuss over what a good job she did, and then she’ll know that that’s what it feels like to “go pee”. I don’t want to discourage her at all – I’m all too aware of the myriad possible ways of screwing your kid up because you screwed up the potty training process (thanks a lot, college and university psych classes!).

But fuck me – does the desire to “go pee” and then sit on the potty for 20 minutes without peeing* have to take place ONLY in the morning when it’s time for us to go somewhere or right before bedtime? The bedtime thing is bad enough, but I can adjust that time a little bit, but there isn’t a whole lot I can do about when we leave in the morning because Momma has to be at work for 8 a.m.

*She doesn’t sit there for 20 minutes straight. She’ll sit there for a couple of minutes, then get up and run out or pretend like she is going to cooperate with me, and then she runs back in and sits down on the potty.

And yet, there is very little I can do. I might carry my kid outside with no coat, shoes or socks, but I’m not about to put her in her car seat with absolutely nothing on, not even a diaper. Tonight, I just rode out the Claire Storm. When she gets into a full-blown tantrum, it’s all I can do. Just leave the room she’s in, pretend to ignore her and try to keep myself calm (though it’s pretty damn obvious where she gets her temper!).

Eventually she calmed down and let me put her diaper on, though she refused to let me do so on her change table. That’s a new thing lately – although she does allow me to use the change table at times, she is starting to want me to put her diaper on on the floor (and strangely, on the floor near the top of the stairs). If that continues, I will probably put her change table away in the garage and thus create more space in her bedroom.

I don’t know. When she has these tantrums, I usually end up feeling frustrated, powerless and a little incompetent. I guess everyone did warn me about the “Terrible Two’s”!

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Mother’s Day 2013

Posted on May 12, 2013 by amanda

I have to say that this mother’s day was awesome in its simplicity. Of course, I wish that Neal had been here to spend it with me and Claire, and I wish my mom was closer so I could have gone to visit her, but it was a great day nonetheless.

We slept in until a little past 8 a.m., which thankfully is the norm for Claire on weekends. Sometimes it’s a little bit earlier, but she doesn’t usually wake up until about 7:30 or so, and then she is usually content to lie in bed and play with her animals while I snooze for a few extra minutes. As I have said before, my kid is not so much a fan of the weekday 6 a.m. wake-up call, and I can’t say I blame her.

We got up and had a simple breakfast – although I typically enjoy cooking supper, I rarely have any interest in cooking breakfast. I’m too hungry and too desperate to get a tea into me to start pulling out pans and cooking. So it was tea and toast with peanut butter for me, though I “treated” myself to a second cup of tea right after I finished the first.

We had a lazy morning, colouring, playing, reading books (I even got to squeeze in a couple of pages of the book I’m reading right now!). I had a couple of “chores” to do during the day, such as laundry, but it was very little because I made a point of getting as much done as possible yesterday. That was my gift to myself, I guess!

In the late morning, we got dressed and headed out to Sears. I wanted to look for sandals for both of us; alas, I only found a pair for Claire, but that’s good because I do have some whereas she had none that fit her. I did, however, buy a rain jacket that was half-price! I really like it and although I’m not so much of a fan of rain, I am looking forward to testing it out tomorrow morning!

After we left Sears we went to a restaurant I have been wanting to try – Cheese Curds. It serves gourmet burgers and various types of poutine. It was crazy busy in there and I wasn’t even sure if we would be able to get a table right away, but since Claire had been showing signs of being tired anyway, I decided we would get our lunch to go and eat it at home. I got the Thai chicken burger, Claire had a junior (3oz) burger and we shared a poutine. It was very tasty but also a bit on the pricey side. Still, if you’re having it for a treat, then I think it’s worth it.

Despite having shown signs of being tired – wanting to be picked up while we were at Sears and nuzzling her face into mine – Claire was not interested in napping. I chatted with my mom for a bit, then because it was pouring rain, I decided to rent a movie from my childhood – The Neverending Story. I was so young when I saw it that I didn’t remember really much of anything other than the fact that I had loved it. We do have better effects today and the music had a definite 80s ring to it, but I was actually pretty impressed considering it was filmed in 1984. We watched it in two spurts as Claire decided she wanted to go do something else (and wanted me to join her) about halfway through, so we finished watching it while we ate supper. That worked out well anyway, because then we went downstairs so that I could work out for 30 minutes while she played in the afternoon.

Then it was bedtime for Claire and she went to bed pretty easily for me. I had managed to iron my clothes for tomorrow and put together my lunch and Claire’s breakfast while she was up, so after I left her room, I had a quick shower and was able to come out and relax.

It was an awesome day because I got to hang out with such a fun, lovable, hilarious little girl. There was much cuddling and laughing, and really you can’t ask for much else on a perfect day. I am so very lucky to be this little girl’s Mommy.

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Big Girl

Posted on May 9, 2013 by amanda

Claire hit a new milestone this week that makes her even further from baby.

Like many parents, I started contemplating changing her crib into a toddler bed when she turned 18 months. It was a very casual contemplation. Claire had not made any attempts at all to climb out of her crib (that I knew of, anyway), and I did some research and saw that pediatricians recommend that children be switched when they hit 35-36″ in height, and Claire was still shorter than that. The consensus among veteran parents was to leave her in a crib as long as possible, because once I move her, there would be no going back. She would no longer be confined at bedtime.

I had heard all the stories about having to lead your child back to bed over and over and over and over, ad nauseum. Dealing with myriad requests for water, a snack, a toy. Waking up in the middle of the night to see a miniature person staring at you. So when I established that I did not need to switch her over, I sat back and relaxed.

Claire hasn’t reached 35″ yet. She had her 2-year check-up on Monday and she is 33-3/4″ tall (26.2 lbs, in case you’re curious), so we were fine on the physical front. But last Saturday morning, she displayed some behaviour that made me start pondering switching her over.

During the week, she usually has to be woken up because she is not so much a fan of getting up at 6 a.m. On the weekends, she will usually sleep until about 7:30-8:00 (which is WONDERFUL!). It’s not uncommon for me to wake up around 7:30 or so to hear her chatting with her dolls and stuffed animals in her crib. If she’s happy – which she usually is – then that means I can snuggle down for a few more minutes.

This was the case last Saturday. When I did go in to get her, she was standing up and lifted her leg as though to try to climb out. It’s not like she could have done that without using upper-body strength, but the point is that the thought was there. To my own credit, I didn’t start panicking. I just stored it away and pondered it for awhile.

At her appointment on Monday, I mentioned it to the doctor and that she also uses objects (such as her Lego box) to climb up to reach things. So she has started thinking in terms of using other objects to help her get what and where she wants. The doctor asked the very good question of whether there are things in her bed she could use to pile up and then climb in order to get out of the crib.

Well, er, yeah. There is Puppy, Mini (lamb), and Little Bear and Baby and Elmo. And her blankets.

Crap.

When I confirmed that yes, there were things she could pile up, the doctor suggested that I start thinking about switching her over. It wasn’t something I really wanted to do while Neal is away, but when it’s time, it’s time.

So… on Tuesday, my neighbours came over to help me switch the crib into a toddler/day bed. To say that Claire was excited would be an understatement. She kept climbing in and out, laughing and smiling. On that first night, she didn’t put up any fuss about going to bed. We read stories, she had some water, and when I asked if she wanted to go see Puppy, she immediately said “Yes”. With much trepidation, I laid her down, gave her a kiss and said “night night”, wondering how many gazillion times I would be bringing her back to her room and how many temper tantrums she would have.

She stayed in her bed all.night. She was awake for awhile, chatting with her dolls, but still did not get out of bed. Same thing last night. It’s only 9:30 right now, but she’s been asleep for awhile, so I guess we can figure so far so good.

Now, I’m not so delusional as to think this will be the case every night. She’s used to being put to bed and not being able to get out. One of these nights, she will realize the difference and will likely get up. It may be this weekend when she wakes up on her own as she might just get up and start playing.

But for now, I’ll take what I can get!

The morning after her first night in her Big Girl Bed:

This morning:

What happened to my baby?

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Time Crunch

Posted on April 24, 2013 by amanda

So… Mom Guilt – I never knew how powerful it could be, and sometimes (often?) completely irrational.

Growing up, I was never a big fan of “working out”. Sure, I loved to bike and go for walks and hikes, swim, but the thought of getting on an exercise machine made me shudder with expected boredom. I still prefer to go for walk/hike and swim, but when I moved in with Neal, I started to go with him when he went to the gym near our place. Before too long, it became a normal part of my routine – we didn’t go every day, but we made a concerted effort to go at least a few times a week.

For most of my pregnancy, I still went to the gym. As I grew larger and larger, my cardio mainly consisted of walking on the treadmill, and then I would do some free weights and some squats using the stability ball, but I was still getting my butt out there and I believe that was one of the reasons my pregnancy was so awesome.

When I had Claire though, things in my exercise world started to go downhill. Once I got past the 6-week recovery period that follows a c-section, I joined some friends in an aerobics class geared to postpartum women where we could bring our babies, lay them on mats in the middle of the room and do some aerobics nearby. After that… Well, my exercise mostly consisted of me taking Claire for walks which were lovely and good for the soul, but alas, my loss of pregnancy weight stagnated.

Although I would still like to tone my body a bit, and although I would LOVE to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, I have more or less accepted that the latter is not going to happen any time soon. A few weeks ago, I finally gave up on trying on the pre-pregnancy clothes that I had packed in totes with the delusional belief that I would fit into them a few months post-partum. Every time I tried them on, I felt depressed. So I tried them on one last time and all the things that most certainly did not fit (most of what was in the totes), I packed in huge bags that went to my sister. I wanted them OUT OF MY HOUSE.

However. There is another side, another benefit to exercise, particularly to someone like me who suffers from anxiety. Exercising does wonders for keeping anxiety at bay. There are the immediate endorphins, but it’s also a huge stress-reducer and imbues one with a general sense of feeling-goodness.

When Neal is home, I will typically go downstairs to work out, either on the elliptical or by doing one of the Jillian Michaels’s kickboxing work-outs. I pick nights when he puts Claire to bed, so that as soon as story-time is done and she just has a few sips of water and some snuggle time, I head out and go work out. When Neal is away though, the most obvious step would be to go work out after Claire goes to bed. The problem with that is that she doesn’t always go to bed very easily or quickly. She wants extra water. She wants to sing song after song after song, and every time I try to stand up, she squeezes me round the neck and says “Noooo!”

So then I end up leaving her room after 8pm. At that point, I still need to shower, iron clothes, do dishes, put my lunch together, put Claire’s breakfast together, among whatever other chores need to be done. As I am up at 5:30 a.m. during the week, I am not much inclined to stay up much past 10 p.m. That doesn’t leave a whole lot of time to work out.

So I wasn’t working out very much. At the same time, I was noticing that I was feeling more and more anxiety despite the fact that I was taking my Effexor religiously. I might feel a bit of anxiety the first few days that Neal is gone, but after that I generally settle into a routine of sorts and don’t feel anxiety anymore. This time it wasn’t going away. I was also becoming more easily frustrated.

So I decided to experiment. My work-outs are generally only about 20 minutes long. We have a TV downstairs and so I brought Claire downstairs with a few toys, put the television on the Treehouse channel and got on the elliptical (I’m not brave enough to try the kickboxing video with her there; I can just see her stepping in front of me just as I throw out a good powerful kick). Only plugged one earphone in so that I could hear my music but I could also interact with her a little bit. Worked out for 20 minutes. And you know what? She was fine. She chatted with me, explored the rec room, watched her show, snuggled with a giant stuffed dog that’s downstairs. When I got off the elliptical, I even did a few abs exercises which Claire thought was hilarious. She would scramble to lie behind me when I sat up during a sit-up, and I would pretend that I was lowering myself down on top of her which made her cackle (and which gave me more of an ab workout because I had to engage my muscles so I wouldn’t actually crush her).

We’ve done this three times now – Sunday, last night and tonight. Each time I have had to coax her back upstairs!

The guilt is still there, mostly over not spending ‘quality time’ with her, but you know what? My anxiety level has plummeted, I feel much better, and when we come back upstairs, I find I am better able to focus on her and spending time with her. The Mom Guilt has started to lessen, mainly because she seems to have a pretty good time down there, and because I am finally realizing that I do occasionally need to do things for myself. It makes me a better parent.

Posted in Anxiety Sucks, Family, Guilt trips, Toddler-hood! | Leave a comment

Two

Posted on April 9, 2013 by amanda

Dear Claire,

Two.

TWO.

How is it possible that you have turned two today? On the one hand, it seems like just yesterday that you first came into our lives, so tiny and helpless and new.

And yet, on the other hand, it feels like you have always been in our lives and in our hearts. In fact, you are so completely different now from when you were first born that it’s hard for me to come to grips that Baby Claire and Toddler Claire are one and the same.

Well, maybe not the same. My goodness, people told me how many changes happen in the first couple of years, but no one can prepare you for the reality. In two short years, you have gone from a helpless little newborn to an independent, funny, loving, stubborn and fiery little girl. There are all of the physical milestones, of course – you walk and run and go up and down the stairs by yourself (you even showed off on Monday morning by going down the outside stairs all by yourself when you usually let me help you), and you are working on mastering jumping. You are starting to string words together and you are (usually) able to tell me exactly what you want or need. You love nothing more than to make people laugh. You don’t hold back on hugs – in fact, sometimes you do a running hug that will topple the unprepared over, laughing the whole time.

And hugs. Oh my goodness, the hugs. You love to hug people once you get to know them a little bit. You always have to hug your teachers at daycare before you leave for the day, and you often hug all of the kids who are still there. You love giving kisses too and, when the mood strikes you, to snuggle with Mommy and Daddy. Lately you have been insisting on me rocking you to sleep rather than soothing yourself after books and songs, and as Daddy is away right now, I can’t bear to say ‘no’ to you on some extra snuggles at night.

You are not, however, a good sleeping companion. When you wake up close to the time when we have to get up, I will usually bring you into bed with me, but it’s with the knowledge that I will have to be happy with merely closing my eyes, but no sleep will be had once you come into the bed. It’s all about moving around, whipping the blankets off and then crying to have me put them back over you, and touching my face and head-butting me and trying to get as close as possible and then a little bit closer to me. But that’s okay because I love snuggle time with you too.

You LOVE Youtube videos of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (or, as you refer to it, “How I wonder”) and “Old MacDonald” (“EIEIO”) and “Baa Baa Black Sheep” (“Baa-baa”) and “Row Row Row Your Boat” (“Boat”) and “No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed” (either “No More” or “Monkeys”). You seem to be quite enamored with “My Little Pony” on Treehouse and I’ve noticed (to my chagrin) that you are becoming a fan of “Dora”.

I don’t know what I would do without you, Claire-Bear. Some people might say that it’s harder now when Daddy is away because I have a child and I have to be on single-parent duty, but you know what, by and large it’s easier now that I have you. You keep me busy and, most importantly, you make me the happiest I have ever been. You make me laugh, you give me lots of love, and you give me a reason to be silly.

Claire, I can never describe how much I love you because it is impossible to put that into words. You fill my heart to bursting, you fill my life with sunshine, you fill my soul with happiness.

I love you. Thank you for being you.

Happy birthday little one.

Love,

Mommy

Posted in Toddler-hood! | 1 Comment

More Claire-isms

Posted on March 27, 2013 by amanda

Although Neal’s parents come to visit roughly once per month, they always see a difference in Claire. In fact, before they even arrive, Neal and I often remark on how we’re sure they’ll see a difference in her. Physically she is changing very slowly these days – she doesn’t gain much weight (perhaps due to her sudden pickiness!) and she only gains a teeny bit in height now and then. But developmentally? She is changing all the time.

Language is really where it’s at right now. She is now constantly stringing at least two, and sometimes three, words together. She is also repeating a lot of what she hears people saying. It always makes me giggle when I hear her saying familiar things to her dolls that we have said to her. She did something rather cute tonight. She had her stuffed monkey and she set him down on the coffee table, lifted up his legs so she could look at his bum and said, “Poopy? No poopy!”. Then she would slide him down a bit and check again.

The repetition does not, however, always work in our favour. If anyone tries to do something she doesn’t like, she will become very serious and say in a stern voice: “No thank you!” She will also tell people “Not nice!” even if it’s her who is not being nice.

She has also become extremely possessive. It’s “My chair”, “my house”, “my milk”. If she wants me to read her a story and put her to bed instead of Neal, she will announce that the rocking chair in her room is “Mommy’s chair”. When Neal is away or on duty and it’s just me and Claire having supper, I will usually sit in what is normally Neal’s spot, next to her. She will look at me in confusion at least once during a meal and say “Daddy’s chair”, and then point to where I normally sit and say “Mommy’s chair”.

She is also getting better at telling us what she doesn’t want, although we can’t always comply. She has an ingrown toenail and it has become infected.* Obviously it hurts, and Neal has been trying to make it better by pushing the skin around it down to loosen it up around the nail, using floss to get under it, etc. (suggestions he has read about). As I’m sure you can imagine, none of this is very popular with Claire and it has been resulting in a screaming, furious child who yells “No touch! My toes! No touch!”

Good times.

(* Neal took her to the doctor today and we now have oral antibiotics for her to take. The doctor also said that he doesn’t think it’s necessary to really do a whole lot with the nail other than taking the antibiotics as it usually grows out with children. I’m sure hoping that’s the case because I’ll be starting single-parent duty next week when Neal sails for 2.5 months and fooling around with her toe is a two-person job!)

It’s really fascinating and fun to witness all of these changes going on with her. Her imagination is growing – she has started to set up “tea parties” with her stuffed animals, she has even “scooped up” imaginary… stuff and given it to me, and she is playing more and more with dolls and these miniature “My Little Pony” knock-offs we have.

Helping Mommy make soup

And on Saturday, we are having her birthday party, celebrating a little early before her SECOND birthday on April 9th! I can’t even wrap my head around the way that time flies!

Posted in Toddler-hood! | 1 Comment

Almost Two

Posted on March 14, 2013 by amanda

It seems impossible that it has nearly been two years since Claire was born. Of course, at the same time, it’s hard for me to remember what life was like before Claire – hasn’t she been part of our lives forever? I know I had more time to do things, though I didn’t realize it at the time; somehow you always think you are busybusybusy and have no time to do anything before you have kids, only to realize, once you have kids, that you just weren’t very efficient with your time. Life was a little more predictable back then. I knew I’d go home from work, eat supper, do dishes, work out, shower, watch some TV, read, etc. Now I know that I’ll have supper, play with Claire, put her to bed, shower and get general things ready for work. Whether I get the dishes done or work out or sit down to relax for more than five minutes is anyone’s guess, especially when Neal is away for work (which he will be soon. For two-and-a-half months. Sigh.)

And yet, despite the diminished “free” time, I would never change a thing. I may have nights when I wish Claire would just GO TO SLEEP ALREADY, but not once have I wished I could return to the pre-Claire days, not even for a second. She is truly a blessing and she amazes me on a daily basis.

So, in a nutshell – and keeping in mind that I’m probably forgetting a million things:

– She has moved from the Transition Room to the Toddler Room, and she seems to be doing rather well. I’m sure it helps that she knows a bunch of the kids who are a little older than she is and therefore transitioned a little earlier.

– One of the teachers was telling me this week that, because she is one of the newer kids to the room, some of the others are pushing her around a little bit (in some cases literally) and they are trying to teach her to stick up for herself. Not in the sense of resorting to biting or kicking or punching, but just generally sticking up for herself. I know it’s important and the teachers are not going to let any significant pushing or bullying to take place, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit to feeling a little uneasy about it and wanting to wrap my arms around my little girl and protect her – this, of course, is probably partially created by my own past experiences of being bullied.

– She is learning more and more and more words. I couldn’t even begin to tell you the number of words she has under her belt now, and she has recently started stringing words together into simple sentences.

– There are signs of the “Terrible Twos”. She can be very bossy and has very particular ideas about what (and who) should go where and she will become very upset when things are not ‘just so’. She has never taken well to the word ‘no’ but wow, now it’s just full out screaming and tantrum-throwing. For the most part, if we are able to, we ignore the tantrums. We allow her to have her way in some respects, but while we don’t want to be mean-spirited, we also don’t want her to think that throwing a tantrum will cause her to get her way.

As I mentioned above, Claire will be turning two soon. The actual date is April 9th but we are going to celebrate on Easter weekend because Neal will be around (he leaves right after) and because it’s a long weekend, my in-laws would be coming anyway. Hopefully we will actually be able to have a real party this year – last year, she had an eye infection so we had to cancel the party portion. I haven’t decided on a form of cake yet, but I can say for certain that although I hope it will be fun, it will not be complicated in any way. We’ll have a few small snacks and I have bought a bunch of decorations and loot bag supplies from Dollarama, so I’m pretty much on track. Of course, we still need to figure out what we are going to buy Claire for her birthday!

Posted in Daycare, Family, Mommyhood, Toddler-hood! | Leave a comment

A Sleep-Anxiety Correlation?

Posted on March 2, 2013 by amanda

Hey there, fellow anxiety sufferers – do you find that your anxiety symptoms worsen – or appear – when you have not slept well the night before? I’ve often found this to be the case. I usually sleep quite well and these days I don’t often experience anxiety. I’ve been a little more on edge this past week, probably because Neal is away until next Friday – despite the fact that it’s obvious that I can do the whole working and taking care of our child on my own thing after having done so all fall. Then last night sleep was AWFUL. Claire is also usually a good sleeper; at most she might wake up briefly because she has kicked the blankets off and she’s cold, and all it takes to get her to drift off again is to cover her up and stroke her back a little bit.

Last night, she kicked the blankets off repeatedly starting not long after I went to bed. So I kept having to go in, cover her back up, and finally at some ungodly hour, I decided to pick her up and bring her into bed with me.

This does not usually result in success. Claire didn’t jump on me the way she normally does when I bring her into bed with me, but she did move around a lot, seemed fully awake, and I kept worrying that I would fall into one of my usual deep sleeps/comas and she would get off the bed and get into all sorts of trouble without me even realizing it.

Finally I gave up and put her back into her own bed after rocking her in the chair a little bit, and she did then manage to sleep for about 4 hours until just before 8 a.m. when she woke up for the day.

Coincidentally – or not – my nerves are frazzled, and I have often found this to be the case. When I was first home with Claire after she was born – and therefore not sleeping very well, obviously – my anxiety level was certainly higher than it normally is. I guess it makes sense – we typically don’t deal with stressors as well when we’re sleep-deprived. There are other things on my mind as well, things that might not normally bother me a whole lot after a normal night’s sleep: Neal being away, his upcoming long trip overseas, even Claire’s diaper rash (what a sad sight it is!). Not to mention the worry that tonight will be a repeat performance.

I had been planning on renting a movie for myself tonight after she goes to bed, but I think that I’ll just work on my book for a bit and go to bed early, just in case she does have another night like last night. She was pretty quiet in the earlier hours, so hopefully I can get a couple of hours’ sleep before going on duty.

I do hope we both sleep really well tonight because I’m supposed to have a couple of friends over with their kids for a play-date/mom catch-up in the morning and I’m really looking forward to that.

Posted in Anxiety Sucks | 2 Comments

Hit by a Semi

Posted on January 30, 2013 by amanda

Yesterday morning, I was feeling totally fine. Well, no, maybe not totally fine – I had been feeling bloated for a few days, but it wasn’t bad enough for me to pay much attention other than the fact that I felt fat and huge and gross. But other than that, I went to work and had a rather productive morning (good thing!) and was therefore blind-sided when the afternoon rolled around.

For one thing, I wasn’t all that hungry for lunch. Come to think of it, my appetite hadn’t really been up-to-par for a few days but again, I didn’t think much of it at the time. I had brought some of my homemade turkey soup for lunch which I normally really enjoy, but yesterday it just wasn’t going down as nicely as it normally does. I don’t think there was anything wrong with it – I’m almost finished this batch and it had been frozen, so I’m pretty confident that had nothing to do with what came later.

Not long after lunch, I started the downward spiral into Fluville. I had been cold all day, and I started to feel some cramping in my belly followed by nausea. The thought of food – eating it, cooking it – made the nausea worse. I tried to ignore it, popping peppermints my cubicle mate Karen graciously offered me, working away, but finally just before 3pm I had had it and I just wanted to go home. Luckily, Neal had been on a shooting course for work and they had finished early, so he was able to come pick me up right away. I told him I would probably be fine to sit in the car while he stopped at the grocery store to pick up a red pepper and then at daycare to pick Claire up, but although I managed to get through it without puking, I questioned my kindness and wondered why the hell I didn’t tell him to drive me straight home.

I wasn’t much use when we got home. I tried lying on the couch while Neal got supper ready, but my body was aching too much for the couch to be comfortable, so I went into our room and promptly fell asleep – once Claire got over the fact that I dared to close the bedroom door, that is. I got up when supper was ready and immediately knew I wouldn’t be able to even try the supper – ratatouille – so I opted for chicken noodle cup-a-soup.

Well. Suffice it to say that it wasn’t long before I was running for the bathroom.

After “supper”, I laid down on the couch and watched random things on television. Claire was so awesome; she would come over every so often to lay her head on me and she brought me a teddy bear to cuddle, but was otherwise on her best behaviour. Neal put her to bed and after watching more random television, I decided a little before nine that it was time I headed off to bed myself. I think I was asleep by nine.

Although, not before realizing that my stomach couldn’t even handle three measly crackers. Sigh.

I can’t say I really slept well last night. My body was aching so badly that I woke up every few hours, but I was never awake for very long. I was awake for a brief period when Neal got up so that I could call in to work and then I helped Claire down the stairs while Neal got his boots on. Then they left and I headed back to bed, not knowing if I’d really be able to sleep much more.

The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. I don’t know when the last time was I slept that late!

It’s been a VERY lazy day ever since. I haven’t gotten out of my pajamas. I watched the news while gingerly eating a piece of toast with peanut butter and sipping a cup of tea. As the toast was a success, I decided to try a bowl of (canned) chicken noodle soup at lunch and then a homemade orange-cranberry muffin, and so far so good. I watched one of my favourite romantic movies, “The Holiday”, and now I’m just waiting for Neal and Claire to get home.

I don’t take many sick days. The last one I took was last May when I had a flu. Neal was on a course at that time so he was staying on the base rather than coming home each night, and I was so sick that I couldn’t even drive Claire to daycare, which is only 10 minutes away. As much as I miss both of them, I am really happy that this time Neal was around so he was able to take her so that I could have this kind of lazy day.

Tonight I’m going to try a small bowl of the ratatouille; if all goes well, I should be able to go to work tomorrow. I’m still dealing with the body aches, but as long as I can keep food down, I’m good to go.

And now, on a cheerier note:

Pretty girl

My little goofball

Posted in Health, Real Life | Leave a comment

Goodbye Bottle

Posted on January 20, 2013 by amanda

There are many milestones that make you realize that your “baby” is no longer a baby. Turning one. Starting to walk. Talking. Understanding what you’re saying. But for me – and perhaps for most parents – we have just recently hit the biggest milestone that tells me that I am the mother of a child as opposed to a baby: Claire no longer takes a bottle.

It was something I was putting off. One reason was that I thought the change would meet with great resistance. For one thing, Neal was away for three months in the Fall, and then it was Christmas. But if I am going to be truly honest, it was also because I enjoy that time when I would sit with Claire in the rocking chair in her room while she drank the milk in her bottle. Like most toddlers, she is insanely busy, and this was sometimes the only time I had to just sit quietly with her.

But there were good reasons to stop this bedtime routine. The biggest are her teeth – we always make sure we brush her teeth before bed, but then she would drink the milk in her bottle and go to bed, so the sugar in the milk sat in her mouth all night. If she inherits her teeth genes from me as opposed to Neal, she is going to need all the cavity-fighting help she can get!

So about two weeks ago, we stopped putting milk in the bottle. Instead, we made sure she had some milk in her sippy cup at snack time and then we put about 5 ounces of water in her bottle. She was a little confused for the first couple of nights, but there were no meltdowns and after singing countless songs, she was relaxed enough to put herself to sleep.

At the end of last week, we decided to do away with the bottle altogether. She still seems to need “something”, so we have compromised by giving her a sippy cup with some water in it. She doesn’t usually drink everything, but she takes a few sips here and there. And of course, it doesn’t mean that she and I don’t have any quiet time. The three of us go in and read books for a little while, and then whoever isn’t putting her to bed leaves and Claire has her water while we sing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Muffin Man” and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (sometimes several times over) before we convince her that it’s time to go “night night” and that “Puppy” really misses her.

It’s gone really smoothly, I have to say. I just have to be sure to enjoy the little bit of snuggle time I get with her.

Other signs that she is no longer a baby:

Reading the newspaper with Daddy

Posted in Family, Mommyhood, Toddler-hood! | 2 Comments