I’m disappointed that I missed the segment on the Today Show where Meredith Vieira and blogger Melissa Summers discussed the hooplah over mothers drinking responsibly in the presence of their kids. Luckily, this is 2007 and just because you miss something the first time around doesn’t mean that you missed it completely; you can view the video of the segment right here: Do playdates and happy hour mix?
I am shocked (though perhaps I shouldn’t be shocked by anything anymore) by the backlash. I’m also heavily disappointed that Meredith is apparently a moron and compares a mother to a babysitter.
I’m sure it goes without saying, but for the official record, I see nothing wrong with having a drink or two while your kids are around.
GASP! CLEARLY I AM AN ALCOHOLIC! Someone please call Betty Ford, I’m too drunk to dial the phone myself. Also, has anyone seen my kids?
Seriously. It’s a bit over-dramatic. No one has said that they think it’s okay to get shit-faced, falling down drunk in front of their kids. No one has said they don’t have a problem with drinking heavily with a child on their lap and then being unable to function the next morning because of the unbearable hangover. And no one has said they went all Bree Van De Kamp and drank so much Chardonnay that they passed out while the kids went frolicking alone through the neighborhood.
We’re talking about responsibly ingesting a glass of wine or a beer or a cocktail. It’s not a frat house beer bong party, it’s being an adult and enjoying a glass of something stronger than water. People who are criticizing have said things like “I just don’t see why a mom NEEDS to have a drink”. Well, you know what? I also don’t NEED to eat chocolate, eat potato chips, shower daily, or put makeup on when I leave the house; however, I do ENJOY these things and the same goes for a glass of wine while hanging out with other mom friends while the kids play together.
People also worry about the example that this sets, as though it’s a message saying, “I can’t enjoy myself or celebrate anything if I don’t have a cocktail in my hand!” I think that’s ridiculous. That implies that we don’t have fun at any other time if we aren’t at a playdate or gathering. I have fun with my kids when we play with toys. I have fun with them when we do crafts. I have fun when we go to the park and play with other kids and mothers there. I don’t carry a flask in my hip pocket, so I’m doing all these fun things without the aid of alcohol. I don’t think that having some wine with my adult friends while the kids run around the back yard or play in the basement overrides the other fun times.
Also, I think it’s a good opportunity to demonstrate responsibility. Because we DON’T get drunk and pass out face-down in a pile of MegaBloks, we show our kids that an adult can have a glass of wine or two and behave appropriately. Growing up, I often saw my parents having some sort of alcoholic beverage, whether it was a glass of wine before dinner, a glass of wine AT dinner, or a rum and coke in the evening. They weren’t plastered and dancing on the furniture, they were grown-ups enjoying a drink and still acting exactly the same way that they did if they weren’t.
Did I go off to college and get really hammered? Yes, on (far too) many occasions. Was this because of my parents? Certainly not. Had I been influenced solely by them, I would have been limiting myself to one or two drinks. I was influenced by all the other college kids. Once I got through that stupid phase in my life (and it didn’t take long because the side effects that hit the next morning weren’t very enjoyable and got old really quickly), I became more responsible and acted like – imagine! – an adult.
I think it all just comes down to one thing – everyone wants to judge mothers in some way. Mothers are constantly vilified for one thing or another. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the way we choose to deal with our child’s sleep, the discipline methods we use, the way we diaper, the age we potty train, or apparently the contents of our glass, as long as there’s something that can be used to judge what a totally horrible mother we are. Mothers can never win. If someone saw the current explosion of crap in Hayley’s room right now they would judge me for being a terrible example by not keeping it more orderly and teaching Hayley better than that. On the flip side, Heather got an email where someone ridiculed her for how clean and tidy her daughter’s room is. It’s insane, isn’t it? But it’s the way it is, and so of course people are going to point fingers and cluck their tongues if a mother (who should apparently be a total robot and never do anything for herself in any way, no matter what that is) decides to pour a glass of red wine and actually drink it while the kids are looking.
Perhaps the most interesting – or depressing, really – factor is that apparently there is nothing wrong with a father cracking open a beer and enjoying a football game or what have you while his kids hop around him. Somehow, if you have testicles, you are allowed to enjoy an alcoholic beverage while in the presence of your children. Mothers? No. Absolutely not.
This topic gets me so riled up that I think I’ll go have a beer.
Where do you stand on the issue? Be honest. If you think there’s something wrong with it, I want to know and I want to know why because I’m curious about this whole debate.
Amen to that…..(from a member of the choir).
Yes, it’s seems like everything is under scrutiny these days. There’s some invisible standard that none of us can live up to.
As a parent of a special needs childs this double standard is really apparent. We are supposed to work nonstop to “cure” our child and completely forget who we are. It’s time to end these “mommy wars” perpetuated by the media. (Did you see the Oprah show last week-SAHM debate?)
Time now to go get a glass of wine….
well said.
I have no clue why this is worth so much attention.
I feel for mother’s and the way they are judged so often. By others, and each other.
What is interesting is how much others are judged when around kids, even if those kids aren’t theirs and they are not responsible for them. For example, we had a housewarming party when we moved into our house. We invited our friends and some family (cousins and siblings our age). Many of those people have kids. We didn’t say it was an adult only party – simply because we know a lot of people won’t get a babysitter simply for the sake of going to someone else’s house. We did, however, let people know that since we don’t have kids that we would not be supplying kid friendly food/beverages/entertainment/whatever. If they brought their kids, they were responsible for the care, supervision and entertainment of said kids, knowing full well that drinking was a huge part of the day (the invitation said we were providing a couple of barrels and a stocked bar). We also said that when the sun went down and we started the bon fire that “things would get crazy” or something to that effect on the invitation. Basically, we were informing everyone that the day time was better if you were brining your kids.
Three families who brought kids to the party had fits that it wasn’t a fit environment for kids. After the fact, of course. We were told that the paint guns in the woods were inappropriate since kids were around – regardless of the fact that no one under 18 or who had consumed alcohol yet was allowed to play. And, wife of one of my husband’s friends went completely ballistic on her husband because he was here before her with the kids and committed the unforgivable sin of having a beer! In his hand, when she showed up. Never mind it was the only bee he’d had all day. His 7 and 9 year old daughter’s were “running wild while he sat and got drunk”, according to his wife.
It is astounding to me that as a childless household, with fair warning given, we were still “bad guys” for having a totally adult oriented party. Forgive us for not having kids. And, since when it is our responsibility to create a suitable environment for your children? (I mean “your” generally, directed at people who judge; not you personally).
Basically, I think it comes down to this. For whatever reason, there are people in the world who think they have all the answers. And, whoever does differently then they would is considered wrong, plain and simple. And, it is usually these vocal minorities that make the news, etc. Of the silent majority I’d be willing to bet that most mom’s have a drink now and then, even in front of their kids.
It’s either that, or the people who make this an issue have a drinking problem of their own and cannot comprehend the concept of people being able to stop at one or two.
Don’t drink in front of children: it tells them it is okay to drink to relax and directly results in their future alcoholism.
Don’t wear provocative clothing: it makes men thing you want to be raped and, if you are, it will be your own fault.
Don’t marry someone of the same sex: the god I believe in says it is wrong and if I allow your marriage it will destroy mine.
Zealots make me tired.
Couldn’t agree with you more. It’s really silly. (And this coming from someone who doesn’t drink. Not because I’m a mom at home, or I have some moral issue with it, I just don’t care for it.)
DH enjoys a beer here and there. We decided it was okay for him to drink when the kids are around because it does set a good example of drinking responsibly. If he is the only one around (and I’m not at home) he won’t drink just in case he has to drive them in an emergency. (Again, this is his decision, but one I support fully. A decision he made based on a previous college experience.)
Heck, our DD will even ask to go to the liquor store!! (They give her suckers so she really likes that store. :))
So ladies (and gentlemen), cheers!!
Without saying it, the mother who said others love to criticize others who mother hit the nail on the head. She could have said others are adopting the “politically correct” view that drinking while mothering is wrong. I noticed the “professional lady(?)” stated that one drink lowers your ability to function … or some such drivel. I find it fantastic that a bunch of women can get together, while watching and interacting with their kids, to socialize. Talk about a bit of stress relief. The kids get to play with other kids and the adults get to chat. It looked wonderful to me. Since we will always have the “political correct” group with us, the best we can do is ignore them and try to make certain they don’t use their free time to enact laws that will hurt the rest of us. They have ruined our country, if not much of the world, enough as it is. It would be nice if they would simply run their own lives and try not to run mine or my kids.
I completely agree with you, Sherry. (But I am sure you knew that. God, imagine if Meredith Viera knew that sometimes our kids hang out at the store with us.) We enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, or often just on a Sunday afternoon while relaxing. At my in-laws, everyone always has a drink before dinner. Heck, I remember everyone drinking highballs when I was a kid and it didn’t make me think anything other than “Gee, when you’re a grownup, sometimes you can have a special drink.” Sigh…
Of course, the fact that you grew up with parents that had a drink or two in front of you and the fact that you don’t agree with Viera is PROOF! that you have been severely damaged and traumatized!
Ahem.
😉
I completely agree – mothers do get raked over the coals for everything. Personally, I am sometimes a better mom with a lovely glass of wine included!
I don’t drink, never have been drunk or even had wine. I guess I don’t really know what it is like. So my question is, how much does 1 glass of wine alter your personality or ability to function? Probably not a ton. But does it affect it? Enough not to drive? I wouldn’t think so but I’m not sure. Don’t these women drive home? If so, then what’s the big deal?
As far as the way it affects your children, if you drink wine or beer at dinner, then you’ve probably had some sort of discussion with your child about alcohol already. I completely agree that if your child sees you drinking when they’re little that has little or no effect on them in college. They’re going to make their own choices and like you said most of the choices they make are going to be driven by peer pressure.