And so it begins, the real American Idol. I love the auditions, the eliminations from Hollywood onward are good, but it’s when you get to the real performances that I start really getting into the show. So here we go, with Stevie Wonder week. Randy is right, Stevie IS hard to sing and it showed.

Ace – Oh Ace. I’m sorry. It just didn’t do it for me at all. He’s so nice to look at, and that will keep him going strong in the competition, but the performance was mediocre for me. I think the song just kind of got away from him and he never managed to catch up. It wasn’t awful, but eh.

Kellie – Please shut up and go home. Go away. I can’t stand you. Uck. Seriously though, this was a horribly boring performance. I was breastfeeding at the time, and between the relaxing hormones and this performance, I nearly fell asleep and missed the rest of the show. Also, does her brain not have an edit feature? I’m sure some people were charmed by her saying she had “tarantulas” on her eyes, but I just wanted to throw something at her.

Elliot – He has such a nice voice and I knew he would do well in this genre. Unfortunately for me, nice is the best I can come up with. It wasn’t exciting, it wasn’t amazing, it was just nice. But he can really sing.

Mandisa – Stevie hit the nail on the head; she can sing anything. What a powerful voice and she was so commanding. I also loved that she let Ryan take off her shoes and that she performed barefoot. I still liked “I’m Every Woman” last week the best, but Mandisa is truly a force to be reckoned with.

Bucky – God help me, I liked it. It was rough and kind of raw, and I never would have thought he could pull of “Superstitions” but he did it and it was fun. Also, Simon commenting on Bucky’s Jessica Simpson hairstyle was hilarious.

Ryan Seacrest – Poor Ryan. It must be tough to be the lone metrosexual on the show and to be cracking jokes about flat irons and Jessica Simpson hair extensions and the only ones who know what the hell he’s talking about are the girls. In a past life, Ryan had breasts.

Melissa – The judges said yes, but I say no. I thought it was pretty dull, I wandered away to make tea halfway through, and I found it (in Simon’s infamous words) a very forgettable performance.

Lisa – That was fun and pretty damn good. I think she could have done more with it, because the end was much better than the rest but she did a decent job and for once she actually came across as being young instead of singing something too old for her. On the other hand, I must confess that the whole time I was thinking, “I’ve heard George sing ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’ too and he does it better.” I may be biased, but I’ll never admit it.

Kevin – Poor sweet little boy. He really could be good in a few more years with some vocal training to help him out because he’s got a good voice, but it’s just so hard to take him seriously. Also, is it just me or does he have the most annoying blinking habit in the world? It just didn’t work for me. It was possibly the whitest Stevie Wonder performance ever in the history of music.

Ryan Seacrest – Reading the sign “So, ‘Kevin is my heaven’. And Simon is my hell.” I nearly choked on my water.

Katherine – I just really like her voice, she makes it look so easy. Also, halfway through the performance I thought about how she reminded me of Kelly Clarkson so it was interesting to hear Simon say the same thing. She’s always good.

Taylor – Yeah, baby. I love him. He is just fantastic and Stevie said it best – Taylor has feeling and it comes from his soul. He’s a true natural and he’s awesome, and definitely still my favorite. Also, I hope he doesn’t dye his hair; I think it helps set him apart.

Ryan Seacrest – Dude, stop talking about styling people’s hair.

Paris – She’s consistently a good singer, and I love to watch her. I can’t believe a 16-year-old is that comfortable onstage, it’s just amazing.

Chris – Really great job and again he sounds like he doesn’t even need this show. No matter who wins, whether it’s him or someone else, he is headed straight for serious success. There are probably labels watching and actually praying he loses so they can try to sign him.

So some really good stuff, some terribly bad stuff, and a lot of “meh” performances.

Bottom three prediction: Backwoods Barbie Kellie, Kevin, Melissa.

I would like to see poor Kevin go home but he probably has every 12-year-old girl and 80-year-old woman voting, so I’ll predict Melissa.