I just saw this video and it makes me laugh so hard that I either had to share it or risk peeing my pants. I present you with David Hasselhoff’s incredibly cheesy video for “Hooked On A Feeling”. You’re welcome.

Seriously. Can’t.Stop.Laughing. There are tears. And a sore stomach. Maybe I should step away from the computer and regroup.

Okay so between driving with her baby on her lap and driving with him strapped in but forward-facing at only eight months, Britney has been beaten down by parents and the media everywhere. Then I actually felt sorry for her because everyone jumped on how she was clearly a bad mother because she tripped while carrying him and nearly dropped him because, you know, that NEVER happens to any of us. Right. I’ve tripped eight billion times while walking with each of my kids, plus banged their head or arm more than a few times while trying to pass through a door frame, and I also had each one roll off the couch because I was so sleep deprived that I fell asleep while nursing them. I’m human and hey, so is Britney except she has to be human in front of thousands of cameras.

But today I may have beaten Britney at the bad mother game. I think I win because not once, but TWICE today, I rocked Breanna to sleep courtesy of the soft and soothing sounds of 50 Cent*. Nothing says, “shhh, take a nap little baby” like a bit of gangsta rap.

(*For what it’s worth, I thought “Get Rich Or Die Trying” was a pretty good movie. Bonus = seeing the guy who plays Mr. Eko on Lost as a drug warlord.)

You know, they always say that young kids will one day learn to ask “why” and then they will never stop. You might think it’s an exageration, but it’s really not. Hayley started asking why around age two, or a little before, and has not only never stopped, she is picking up steam.

Generally it doesn’t bug me. Of course I understand it’s the only way to learn at that age since she can’t go look it up or read about it, so I answer as best as I can with age-appropriate answers (“The Earth turns and the sun goes around it, so when the sun sets here we share it with the people on the other side” instead of any heavier scientific stuff about rotation and revolution, for instance).

Some days though, it just never ends and I can’t answer one more “why” without wanting to cry a little, or possibly stick my ear plugs in my ears and pretend I have no idea WHY I can’t hear her. In fact, I’ve channelled my mother a few times, hearing myself say “Because I said so!” in response to the dreaded question in relation to not being allowed to do or have something.

But mostly it’s just the sort of thing that slowly drives you mildly insane until you snap just a little and give an answer that’s so confusing, it stops the questions for at least half an hour.

“Why is that crane over there?”
“Because they’re building a new set of condos.”
“What are condos?”
“Like apartments but you buy it like a house.”
“Can we go see it?”
“We can go to the edge and look but we can’t go right over.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s a construction site.”
“What’s a construction site?”
“Where they build stuff.”
“Why can’t we go?”
“Because it’s dangerous.”
“Why?”
“It just is.”
“Can we take a ball?”
“Not today.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re not going out on the grass. We’re walking to Stone Step Hill and there’s nowhere to play soccer there, and I can’t carry the ball.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m pushing the stroller.”
“What will we do at Stone Step Hill?”
“We can feed the squirrels if there are any around.”
“What do squirrels eat?”
“Well, nuts and stuff but we’ll take a bit of bread.”
“Why?”
“LOOK, IT’S NOT THE BLOODY SPANISH INQUISITION! Are you ready to go?”
“… Yes, Mommy.”
“Good. Let’s go.”

You know how you can tell it’s going to be one LONG day? When you walk past the microwave and see the clock says 7:44 and you think, “I’d better hurry up and get the kids to bed.” And then you realize that you’ve only been up for an hour and it’s 7:44 a.m. not p.m. and yes, it’s morning.

I made my coffee just a little stronger than usual; I think the day is going to be a drawn-out one of epic proportions.

Today Breanna turned six months old. Half a year already. For some reason it feels like this is going even faster than it did with Hayley. I think that’s probably because between Hayley and Breanna I’m even busier than I was when we hit the six-month milestone the first time around.

A quick state of the Breebles address:

-She’s going to grow up unaware that her name is actually Breanna because 90% of the time we call her Breebles.

-She sits really well now, getting better every day; if she starts to topple forward she often catches herself and then pushes herself back up.

-She’s still madly trying to crawl and can actually get a bit of movement if she has to go over something, like my leg or a cushion. The day she actually gets it down, she’s going to be down the hall before I can blink. Maybe I should start childproofing, yes?

-She loves bath time more than ever before since she’s been using the bath ring. She seems to prefer when Hayley is in with her because they can splash and play.

-She has started saying more sounds, especially buh buh buh. She “talks” all the time and will quite possibly be as big of a chatterbox as Hayley is. I’m investing in ear plugs.

-She seems to enjoy cars. She likes playing with a toy garbage truck and a tow truck a lot.

-She seems to have decided that the idea of solids was more enjoyable than the real thing; I gave her banana again today and she looked kind of repulsed. She’s never liked the taste of the vitamin D drops nor the Tempra, so maybe she’s not sure about all this explosion of flavor; maybe she’ll like the blandness of rice cereal better? No big deal though, there’s no rush. At this point it’s mostly for fun and to include her in the meal.

-She has started taking steps when she’s held up in a standing position. Until recently, if you held her hands, she kept her feet firmly planted side by side and just leaned in whatever direction she was interested in. Now she’s actually started “walking” towards me while I hold her hands. Obviously she’s very wobbly. People keep saying that she’s going to walk early but I have a picture of me walking Hayley around a park at seven months and she still refused to walk without assistance until 13 months, so I’m not putting any pressure on her.

-STILL NO TEETH DAMMIT. I wouldn’t care because I seriously love gummy baby smiles, but some days the teething really bugs her and I wish for her sake that they would either just break through and get it over with or else lay off and leave her alone.

-She has decided that she loathes getting dressed in anything that requires her to put her arms through sleeves, whether it’s long sleeved or short sleeved. This makes dressing her a great joy, and feels kind of like wrestling an angry octopus. I’ve gotten to the point where I just apologize and do it as fast as I can.

-She is mostly wearing clothes that are 9 months and up, and one set of pajamas is actually for 18 months and they’re only a little bit big on her. Yeesh.

-I can keep her entertained for an enternity if I sit and blow bubbles with my gum for her.

-She is growing up entirely too quickly.

You know what really hurts? Catching a single hair from your bangs between your eyeball and your contact lens. Holy fricken’ ouch.

I really don’t recommend trying that at home.

You know how the vast majority of the newer electric kettles have an auto shut-off feature? I forget whether it shuts off at a certain temperature or if it somehow registers that the kettle has boiled dry, but either way it shuts down and prevents a fire.

I am extremely sleepy today despite the fact that I went to bed at 10:30 last night, took all of maybe five minutes to fall asleep, Breanna slept all night without waking me (from 8:30 pm until about 5:30 this morning!), and aside from my brief wake-up to feed Breanna in the early morning hours, I went back to sleep until Hayley woke up at 6:50 am. That was a pretty good sleep because I usually go to bed later and most mornings, when George leaves for work at 5:30 I have trouble going back to sleep because I’m always listening for Hayley. Regardless, I feel a bit like a zombie today so although I already had my usual morning coffee with breakfast, I decided that I should make a second one to avoid passing out in the middle of something important like a diaper change.

I plugged the kettle in and brought Breanna out to the living room while I waited for it to boil. I then tidied up a few things that Hayley had brought out and straightened the cushions on the couch, puttered around, got some toys for Breanna, blablabla. Then I walked out to put Hayley’s applesauce bowl in the sink and noted that “holy shit! The kettle!” It had been boiling merrily away for approximately ten minutes. Luckily it was pretty full so there was plenty of water left for my coffee.

So now you know, auto shut-off features were created for two specific types of people: Those with Alzheimer’s and mothers of young children who lost at least half their brain cells while pushing. I still firmly believe that the so-called placenta that I pushed out was actually part of my brain.

George: What do you want for supper tonight?
Sherry: Chips and beer and a big bowl of crack.
George: Okay, I can do that.

I’ve been having some problems with the USB cable for my camera in that it doesn’t seem to connect any longer, but the camera itself works fine. Luckily a friend of ours has a photo printer so George was able to take my memory card, put it in the printer, and then dump the photos for me and bring them home. And so now I will drown you all with a multitude of pictures since I haven’t had any since APRIL..

This is what Breanna’s been doing for the past 2 or 3 weeks. She gets better at it every day and she is Very Proud.

It seems every week or so I have a new favorite picture of the two girls. This is the most recent favorite. I love this picture.

(Click to see the rest of the pictures)

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How did this happen yesterday and yet I only found out today? I remember when I was right on top of celebrity news and gossip. Oh wait. That was before I had kids. Now I guess I’m too busy taking CARE of my kids to keep up with the It List.

Anyway. Apparently, Britney is clueless again. I don’t hold Sean’s fractured skull against her; he fell from a faulty high chair while under the nanny’s supervision. But she was still the one idiotic enough to drive with him on her lap a couple of months ago. And now she’s finally got his strapped into his car seat, BUT! Parents? Where did she go wrong?

Let’s see. Strapped in, good. Oh but wait! Isn’t he only 8 months old? Too bad the AAP states that it’s unsafe to drive with a baby facing forward until he/she is both 20 pounds AND one year old. He’s four months short. Not to mention, I don’t think it’s the safest idea to drive in a convertible with the top down when you have a baby. Facing forward like that, at his age, his neck could snap like a rubber band if she hits something. And with no real protection on the top of the car, he’d be in danger of being crushed if the car flipped.

Another point is the restraint. I’ve seen Hayley manage to slump down a lot when she falls asleep in the car, and even Breanna’s head has flopped over a bit when she’s sleeping in her car seat. In this picture though, his shoulder is really out there. If she has the harness on him, it’s got to be awfully loose for him to be that far forward. If it’s that loose, he’d probably launch straight out of there in an accident; the straps should be tight enough that you can only slip a finger in between the strap and your baby, and once everything is buckled, you’re supposed to bring the clip up to armpit level to keep the harness snug against the body. There’s just no way she did that if he’s hanging forward like that.

Also, I feel I should point out one other detail for my mom’s sake. I’m really lucky, some women have a baby and their mother criticizes every.last.detail of their parenting choices. My mother isn’t like that at all, she respects the difference in choices I have made versus those she may have made. However, the one thing she told me she would never let slip by without saying something is if I ever went out with a baby in the hot sun without a hat because my grandmother’s sister died as a baby from sun stroke. Dude, Britney’s tooling around L.A. in the hot California sun in a convertible – where the hell is his hat?

Poor Britney. She makes it really hard for people to get her. Where is her family? Is there no one around her who has a clue and who can say, “Hey Brit! He’s not ready to face forward! Put a hat on him! And use the minivan for god’s sake.”

And she’s pregnant again, oy.