Grace has started up an interesting conversation about race/ethnicity. It revolves around whether or not it’s ever okay to ask someone what theirs is, or whether it’s just rude. She has her answers over there. She also asked us to answer them as well.

Honestly? I really think it is. But it depends on a few things. For one, I wouldn’t ask someone that I saw in line at the bank or someone that I’ve met all of five minutes ago. I think it’s rude to go up to a stranger and ask something personal.

I also think it depends on how you’re asking. If someone is asking with a sneer, or by turning a charming phrase like, “What ARE you?” then no, it’s not okay. I would like to think that people aren’t that clueless but of course there are bound to be ignorant idiots everywhere so odds are there are indeed people who would ask like that.

If it’s asked in a polite way, in a genuinely curious way, I don’t think it’s bad. I live in Montreal. It’s a very multi-cultural city. There are so many different ethnicities in this city that it is amazing. It’s not hard to raise kids who are used to seeing different skin tones and hearing different languages. I think it’s only natural for people to get curious sometimes. Also, with more and more people having inter-racial relationships and thus having more bi-racial children, it can be an interesting conversation to find out what heritage someone’s family tree holds.

Like I already mentioned, I think it’s fine as long as your manner of questioning is respectful and genuine. If you truly want to know because you’re interested, great. It could be as simple as saying, “listen, I was wondering something and I hope you don’t mind if I ask. I’ve been wondering what your ethnicity is/what your racial background is.” Or if you know the broad answer but can’t narrow it down, maybe something like “I know that you’re Asian, but I was wondering which specific race.”

Even if you were to flub it a bit, I think if you already know the person and you’re not being a dick, it will probably come out okay. As long as you aren’t wording it like I said above in #1, as long as you aren’t saying, “what the heck are you?” or something incredibly rude like “So, are you Chinese or Japanese, I can never tell the difference.” A little tact and respect go a long way.

The only thing that would probably stop me from asking would be if I didn’t know the person. If I’ve just been introduced to someone through a mutual friend at a BBQ one day, I’m not going to break the “nice weather” small talk with “so, what race are you?” If the person doesn’t know me they may perceive it as rude or might worry that I have an issue with their particular race. I wouldn’t want to make someone uncomfortable so I wouldn’t ask unless I had already gotten to know them a bit.

This doesn’t apply to me because I’m white. However, George has been asked and as far as I can tell, it doesn’t bother him. Again, I’m sure if the circumstances were fishy or if someone with a swastika on his forehead was asking it would be a different story, but in the time we’ve been together, people who have asked have been polite. On occasion people have been surprised to know that he’s black and have confessed that they thought he was Italian or maybe Egyptian because his skin is quite light, but that seemed to amuse him more than offend him.

*******

This all interests me because of the girls. My side is so freakin’ white. My heritage is English, Irish, and Scottish and it’s hard to get much whiter than that. On George’s side there’s some white here and there but mostly black. And so my kids are neither black nor white. I’ve often wondered what I’ll do with the inevitable forms that I have to fill out for them where it asks for race information. I’m really thinking of checking both boxes because that’s the best answer. Either that or not answering at all.

In the meantime, we get light-hearted about race around here. One day in the late summer or early fall, George and I were sitting on the couch with the kids. The sun was hitting me right in the face where it picked up the fact that I have a smattering of light freckles across the bridge of my nose and under my eyes. Apparently this was news.

George: When did you get all those freckles?!
Sherry: Um, what?
George: You have freckles! Since when?
Sherry: … Uh, since forever.
George: Really?
Sherry: You never noticed?!
George: No.
Sherry: … … … Oh my GOD, you’re black?!
George: Oh shut up!

*******

Ethnicity is still a sensitive subject and I do like to tread carefully because I am from the so-called privileged race. I’m the white girl, the Protestant, I’m the WASP and I don’t wish to offend. But I think that the more people who show a genuine curiosity in other races and ask questions like where their family line comes from originally, the more barriers we end up breaking down, and the better the world will be.

Maybe that’s idealistic. I hope it’s realistic.

Breanna still wakes up periodically throughout the night but she hasn’t needed a diaper change since she was quite small, other than the occasional explosion. I used to change her every time she woke up. We had a routine; she would wake up, I’d feed her from one side, change her diaper, and then feed her from the other side, putting her back down when she’d conk out. At about six weeks to two months old, I started noticing that she was wet but not poopy, and not even excessively wet. By three months or so, it was pretty pointless to change her because she wasn’t really wet and also it seemed to wake her up more at that age than it did as a newborn.

Basically the way it works now is she has her bath – if it ‘s actually bath night – at 7 pm and by 7:15 or so she gets dried off, put in her diaper, and then pajamas. Actual bedtime is 8 pm and if she’s left undisturbed she’s often quite pleased to sleep until at least 8 the next morning (oh don’t get excited and jealous – she still wakes up at night and lately she’s started up again with the whole waking up in the wee hours thing). That’s a long time in one diaper, but especially when your diaper isn’t up to the challenge of that first thing in the morning pee fest.

We’ve been using two store brand varieties for quite some time. We use Teddy’s Choice from Loblaws grocery store and we use Bumpers from Jean Coutu. Both are very reasonably priced and I’ve been happy with them – during the day. Neither one has been doing well with the overnight situation though. With either one, there was always a 75% chance that by the time I had managed to pry my eyes open the morning pee would happen, the diaper would leak, and her pajama bottoms and the sheet would be damp.

I’m not fond of laundry. I really don’t want to wash pajamas EVERY day. Or sheets.

So when the Parent Bloggers Network offered up a chance to test out Huggies Overnites, I was all over it.

I was a little skeptical because I had gotten to the point where I was thinking the only way to protect against leaks at night was to duct tape a garbage bag around her waist. However, I was willing to give it a shot. I got my package in the mail which included a pack of Huggies Overnites, a coupon, and a cute little bag that’s the perfect size for toting around a diaper, change of clothes, and a few toys (I’m finally at that stage in Breanna’s life where I don’t need an entire backpack for her).

That night, I bathed her and then once she was dry I put her in a brand new Huggies Overnites diaper. I prayed to the Diaper Gods and put her to bed. I woke up in the morning and felt her pants. They were dry. I purposely laid in bed with her beside me while I watched the morning news for 20 minutes (something I never would have been able to do with the store brand), and she was still dry.

The Huggies were so effective that the inner liner was dry to the touch when I changed her.

Day after day she has remained dry and I haven’t needed to strip the sheets or change her into new pants immediately because Huggies Overnites are actually doing what they’re supposed to. On top of that, the elastic sides are stretchier than the store brand and the velcro tabs are more forgiving and more easily adjusted than the tape tabs on the others.

I am so ecstatic and I am definitely using the coupon for another pack when I’m done with this one.

This post has been approved by a sleepyhead toddler ready to go to bed in her Huggies Overnites.

Over at Oh My Stinkin’ Heck, there was a great post about how to honor our chidren by teaching them to work around the house while they’re still young. It reminded me that even though sometimes it’s faster to do it myself, it doesn’t teach them anything if Mom always does every bit of housework. After all, they live here too.

They’re pretty helpful though, for a 4.5-year-old and a 16-month-old. After reading through all the comments over there, I realized that they do contribute to a lot around here, and not just the mess!

Hayley loves to help with cooking and baking, even if it’s just stirring and pouring things. She helped me bake the cake yesterday and she even used the mixer. She also loves to Swiffer and she’s fond of attacking the sink with a scrubbing brush, wiping the counters down, and occasionally drying any unbreakable dishes. She also loves to fold laundry. She usually does things that are square or rectangular like facecloths and baby blankets, or easy things like underwear. The other night, though, I discovered that she had seen her grandfather folding t-shirts so she helped me fold George’s shirts. She did a pretty good job.

Considering how much I hate folding laundry, I may just let her have fun by folding all of it from now on.

As for Breanna, she may be small, she may be young, but she is so much more helpful than you might expect. First of all, she seems to have a bit of mild OCD going on because she’s been known to bring me bits of fluff and paper, or to pick stickers off surfaces and bring them all to me, with a hint of disgust on her face so that I can dump them in the garbage. I’ve actually even seen her pick lint off the cat.

After her bath, once I’ve dried her and dressed her in pajamas, she almost always trots off to the bathroom to pick up her (folded up) dirty diaper, then she takes it to the bedroom and puts it in the garbage for me. She’s just as eager to pick up things like toys from the living room floor as long as I pick up one and show her where it goes – shelf, toybox, or basket. She also loves being handed a clean, wet rag and she’ll wander off randomly wiping at floors and walls.

Her latest interest is helping me with transferring the laundry. I stand at the washer and toss in anything large or heavy, but I hand anything small to Breanna. Sometimes she pauses long enough to chew on a sock or a t-shirt, but mostly she puts everything into the dryer. She’s been known to be mighty ticked off when it’s all done, and stands there shrieking with indignation as I close the door, empty the lint trap, and turn the dryer on.

I figure with a couple more years I’ll be able to have two fully-trained housekeepers and I can finally put my feet up, eat bon-bons, and watch soaps all day, just like a stay at home mom is supposed to.

Mostly because it didn’t happen until this evening after supper.

But yeah. Real moms can ice the “welcome back Springtime!” cake with one hand while balancing a baby on her hip, fending off attempts from said baby to swipe the icing.

(And the cake was delicious!)

A few days ago, Jerri tagged me to do the Real Moms meme. I don’t often do memes here but this one is fun so I decided to do it. Also, I was very inspired by the Real Mom answers over on Kerflop and on Oh My Stinkin’ Heck.

It all got started by Kristen and the rules are as such:

Put up a post “Real Moms [insert what you do here]”, followed by an explanation, a picture, and a “Real Moms. Making ….”.

Generally a Real Mom to me is anyone who doesn’t pretend that parenting is easy or simple or straightforward and who doesn’t think that their own children are perfect and every other parent around them stinks in comparison.

That said, there’s also this:

Real Moms…

… cling to their morning coffee like it’s a lifeline. Seriously, this morning I had to make a phone call before the coffee was even poured and I was worried I was going to sound like an incoherent moron without my caffeine jolt.

Real Moms…

… don’t ask questions when their four year old dresses herself. (Also, if you look in the background you’ll see Real Moms pile crap up on the couch to stop their toddler from climbing up and throwing herself off it.)

Real Moms…

… disguise the fact that their toddler is still in pajamas at noon by encouraging a rousing game of dress-up and just sticking the costume right over the top.

And Real Moms…

… let their kid shred the toilet paper because, hey, at least it’s keeping her quiet, occupied, and out of trouble. (Plus, she is just as thrilled to pick it all up afterwards and put it in the garbage, so that’s good too.)

Tag time. I tag Chantal, Amy, and Laura.

Awww, my sister just celebrated her one year anniversary with her boyfriend. And it’s true, we really DID like him when we met him. I love mush.

Who else is willing to admit to watching Dancing With The Stars last night? (Or perhaps Dancing With The Washed-Up Stars With Several Instances Of “Who?!”)

I confess – I love this show. I miss Mario Lopez from last season because damn, he could dance, even if he did only come in second. Still, last night was entertaining. Thus far I am really liking Ian Ziering who surprised me by actually being able to move and did a great job. It also helps that he’s dancing with Cheryl who is the real star.

Continue reading →

Here’s a fine example of embarrassing and also a way of providing ammo for your husband to make fun of you for the rest of your life.

Recently, while looking for something on the bookshelf, probably a book, duh, I found this:

And I started laughing so hard, wondering which of George’s ex-girlfriends had given him a Curious George doll of all things. I was almost crying from the laughter, assuming that he had just forgotten to toss it or something.

Sherry: Hahaha! Oh my GOD! Who gave you this lame-ass present?! Curious George? HA!
George: You did.
Sherry: Wha?
George: You gave it to me.
Sherry: No!

(Yes?)

Um. Uhhh. Oops.

Aww, a Curious George doll keychain for George. How cute! Ahem. Sigh.

Heehee, This “new” feeding method made me giggle. The Tru-Breast! (thanks Kerflop)

Hayley and I went to the library today. We were supposed to go yesterday for story time and to pick out some books, but on Friday she hadn’t been feeling well and then when we woke up (late-ish) on Saturday we discovered Winter was not done with us yet and the weather was just terrible. She was disappointed but I promised her that unless frogs were raining from the sky (pardon my Stephen King reference) we would go today.

Breanna woke up from her nap at 12:30 so at that point Hayley and I got ready and we left Breanna with George. It was much better out today. The sidewalks and streets had been cleared and the temperature wasn’t bad. The only real problem we faced was the wind while walking there; it was pretty strong and it was blasting right into our faces.

I actually had a flashback to my childhood, and an unpleasant flashback at that. I have very long eyelashes and when I was little sometimes – for no apparent reason, usually – my eyelashes would flip under and get stuck under my eyelid. All of my eyelashes. It would look like I had none at all because they were ALL in my eye, under the lid. Those were fun times, let me tell you. There was usually a great deal of screaming and crying as I begged my mother to pull them out while also insisting that she should NOT TOUCH MY EYE AT ALL. I’m sure it was as much fun for my mom as it was for me. Truly.

Anyway, with the angle and force of the wind, when we were about halfway there, it suddenly blasted my eye and all of a sudden there was blinding pain in my left eye. Luckily I knew exactly what it was so I didn’t rub at my eye, making it worse. Unluckily, we were in the middle of a sidewalk with no public bathrooms available since most of the buildings around us were either residential or office buildings. I didn’t even have a mirror in my purse. There was a bus shelter a few feet ahead though and Hayley was in need of a break anyway so we ducked in there and I willed myself to be calm as I carefully plucked my entire row of eyelashes up and out of my left eye. JOY.

We finally made it to the library with no further eyeball incidents and Hayley enjoyed herself, picking out books at random. We came home with a nice large collection for the next two weeks. I even managed to find two for myself. I’m in the process of re-reading The Poisonwood Bible, my favorite book ever, so I didn’t need any fiction. However, I’m in the middle of a serious Africa kick (hence my choice of re-reading that particular novel), so I took out a photo book of Africa and also a non-fiction book called A Continent for the Taking: The Tragedy and Hope of Africa.

Walking home was much easier since the wind was behind us that way, and we got home quickly. Next time, though, I’m taking a backpack or a messenger bag to carry the books because 15 books in a doubled-up plastic bag gets heavy quickly.

We sat on the couch with Breanna and I read three of the books to Hayley, saving the rest for later. In fact, tonight after I put Breanna to bed, Hayley was still awake and she called to me and asked if I could please read her one more book. I don’t know how it is that I’ve never read Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (though I had at least heard of it) but it is my new favorite book for young kids. It’s so funny and it is also easy to relate to it. Hayley thought it was hilarious but I bet that it will come in handy the next time she has a less-than-stellar day and I can refer to the book.

And on that note, I think I’ll have a cup of green tea, a muffin, and take a look at one of my own books. It’s fun raising bookworms.