Dear Breanna,

Today you woke up at 8:30 in the morning. At that very time one year earlier, w were just getting to the hospital and I was so close to having you. It would be less than an hour and a half until you would finally be born. It’s so hard to understand that all that happened a whole year ago when it feels like it was so recent. It feels like you should maybe be six months old at the most.

And yet so much has happened in the past twelve months. You learned to walk three months ago and that sure sped time up as I then chased you around and around. You hated food when we first started solids, but despite some protests from well-meaning observers that you “had” to eat something, you did just fine with breastmilk until you got to the point where you could chew up tiny, bite-sized pieces of real food. Once you were able to enjoy table food you were quick to try anything that you could get your hands on and to this day the only thing that you really disliked was the cottage cheese I gave you a month ago (well, you hated the rice cereal and baby oatmeal too but you’ll eat real rice puff cereal and real oatmeal so clearly the big issue really was texture).

You were the baby who made me work hard for my laughs. Although you loved smiling, you were more serious than your big sister and as a result, big belly laughs required effort. Silly faces don’t often work on you, but if I’m able to pin you down to the ground and blow on your tummy, gales of laughter ring through the room. On the other hand, your sister can make you laugh without any trouble at all.

Speaking of your sister, oh how you love Hayley. You follow her everywhere, you laugh at her, you clap for her, and you think she’s the most intriguing person in the world. Hayley loves you too even though she may confuse you sometimes when she goes into the bathroom and closes the door in your face or when she takes your toys because she wants to show you how she thinks you should play with them. She still loves you, believe me.

Playing is interesting with you. Although you love to play with me, with Daddy, or with Hayley, you’re also very independent, surprisingly so for someone your age. You frequently leave the room in favor of going off to play with the kitchen set in the other room, and you’ll happily play for quite some time with some blocks or the Little People stuff on the living room floor. It always blows me away, but on the other hand, it’s useful; I filled the bottom drawer in the kitchen with plastic containers, spoons, lids, and a juicer with no sharp edges, and it keeps you interested long enough for me to do the dishes or cook supper.

I hate comparing you to Hayley because you’re not supposed to do that, I guess, but I don’t do it negatively. Rather, I compare you because I’m fascinated by how different you can both be. When I needed to distract Hayley as a baby so I could cook supper, I would put her in the exersaucer when she was young enough, and I would put on a Baby Einstein DVD for her. Now that she’s older, she loves many shows on Treehouse and they still serve as a distraction when I really need one. You, on the other hand, couldn’t possibly care less about the television (well, other than the fact that you love to press all the buttons, which ticks off your sister). I’ve tried putting on a DVD for you from time to time but it never holds your interest. The only thing you like is the music from the theme songs for the various shows that Hayley watches; your favorite is Miffy, but you’ll also come running for The Big Comfy Couch).

Music, actually, is far more your thing than television is. You love when I play MP3s on my computer, when I put the country video channel on, and when Daddy plays his music. If he goes into the music room, your little legs carry you as fast as you can go so that you can stand in his doorway and dance. Sometimes you dance by bopping up and down, other times you sway from side to side. Occasionally you throw in a little butt shake or a wave in the air.

You also love when anyone sings to you. You like when Hayley and I sing kid songs to you, you like when Daddy sings his “Big Brebleens” song to you, and more than once I’ve sent you off to sleep by singing “The Lady Of Shallot” to you; I think it’s entirely possible that I have sung it to you more in the space of one year than Lorenna McKennit sang it in her entire life.

Today you unfortunately had to celebrate the beginning of your birthday by going to the dentist. Awhile back we noticed you had chipped your front tooth; it’s not bad at all and probably not noticeable to anyone who isn’t constantly peering at your face from an inch away, but we wanted to make sure it was okay. In the end, the appointment wasn’t so bad; you weren’t thrilled about people poking inside your mouth but it was over quickly. I asked if I could demonstrate the way that I brush your teeth so that they could tell me if I was doing a decent job of it. They were shocked. They said that they had never seen a patient as young as you who was so happy to have her teeth brushed. You laid there on my lap, smiling and opening your mouth wide so I could get them all cleaned and then you said, “ah? Ah!” and reached for it so you could have your own turn. That’s Hayley’s influence. You saw your sister getting her teeth brushed every day so as far as you were concerned, it was something fun and interesting. It sure makes my life easier!

You constantly make me laugh with the way that you walk around screaming in joy, the way you put weird things into the toy fridge, the way you give Hayley giant open-mouth kisses, and the way you come running like a cat if you hear the rustle of a bag of rice cakes (which is hands down your favorite food). In fact, the other day when Daddy came home from getting groceries, you walked past the bags and saw rice cakes inside and you immediately squatted down and yanked them out, toddling off with them.

Toddling. Toddler. I guess you already were a toddler when you took your first steps so long ago, but now you’re a toddler by age. I get email every week from babycenter.com about you and yesterday I got one about my baby; today I got one about my toddler. That’s you.

I want you to know that despite my massive nostalgia, I’ve done very well and although I came close many times, I only actually broke down crying once. You looked confused about it, but I promise it’s only because I love you so much and I’m so proud of you and how much you’re growing.

It’s hard to see you getting bigger so quickly but I remember that age one was a lot of fun. I am sad that you’ll never be the baby you were a year ago, but I’m looking forward to seeing the little girl you’ll become.

I love you.

Mama
xoxoxo

Playing with your new toy:

The tissue paper is always the best part:

Ooh, what’s this cool toy?

Birthday girl:

(Cake pictures tomorrow)