Hayley loves “Toy Story”. Actually she loves both movies. And she just got a Buzz Lightyear action figure as a belated birthday gift. Like most toys these days, this one comes with batteries and it talks and has the little laser on the arm like the Buzz in the movies. It’s kind of annoying just because there’s no off switch or even a volume setting, so I always worry that she’ll roll over on it and set it off in the middle of the night, waking up the entire world, but she loves it so I tolerate it.

The thing is, he’s more than an action figure. He’s a “room guard”. You can play with him normally and when you press different buttons he says different phrases (I particularly like when he says, “Let’s go on a space adventure!” because Hayley almost always responds with, “No thank you, Buzz.”). However, if you push any button twice in quick succession, he’s activated as the room guard, which is kind of like having a little Buzz Lightyear security alarm. I always thought that the alarm was only set off if you pushed a button without de-activating the guard setting. I had no idea that he apparently has a tiny motion sensor.

So imagine how startled I was when I walked into the bedroom before, passed within close proximity of little Mr. Lightyear, and he suddenly shouted, “STOP! You don’t have security clearance! Please leave this sector at once! BEEP BEEP BEEP!”

I came incredibly close to peeing my pants.