The first part of today sucked in so many little ways but for some reason it ended up feeling like I was on some sort of sitcom where everything goes wrong and the laugh track has a good chuckle at my expense. Which beats having the sort of crappy day where you briefly consider throwing yourself in front of a bus.

Hayley had an eye appointment this morning at 10:30. The day went like this:

-Hayley woke up at 5:55 am. Yawn.

-Breanna woke up too early to stay up until we had to leave but too late to fall asleep soon enough to take a decent nap, so she slept for all of 15 minutes this morning before I had to wake her up to change her diaper and dress her.

-Hayley screamed and cried and wailed because as beautiful as her hair is, it’s a war zone of knots no matter how often I try to prevent it from tangling. If the wind blows two provinces over, Hayley’s hair gets knots in it. Detangler only works about 75% of the time and when she’s tired, forget it. Unfortunately, she couldn’t go out looking like the crazy chick from the B52s.

-Breanna screamed and cried and wailed because she was so tired but I had no choice because as much as I love to comfort her when she needs me, I was not going to the doctor in my spit-up soaked pajamas.

-It took me three times of failing to set the alarm before I realized that the patio doors were open and so DUH, of course the alarm wouldn’t arm itself.

-I had been feeling queasy since getting up and getting in the car didn’t help. I then scared George’s dad by mentioning that I should have rescheduled the appointment because I felt awful; there was a slight hint of panic as he asked if I might like a bit of air as he quickly lowered my window for me.

-I felt my absolute worst as soon as we got on the Decarie expressway which has absolutely nowhere to pull over in case of vomiting emergencies. Luckily the feeling passed when I closed my eyes and leaned my head towards the window.

-I fell asleep approximately one and a half blocks away from the hospital so I was groggy as hell, fumbling to open up the stroller at the door to the hospital because I had just woken up from a 45-second nap.

-While in the bathroom, Hayley loudly announced, “I like your bum, Mommy, it’s funny!” Which echoed. Loudly. Thanks for that. My bum is a riot.

-After getting settled with all eight gazillion things that we had toted along (coats, diaper bag, two toys, etc), we proceeded to sit around for an incredibly long time. I just started to get Breanna settled so I could feed her when we were, naturally, called in.

-Hayley is such a big girl now that she sits all by herself on the chair and does all the exam stuff, so I sat on a chair and nursed Breanna while watching. I was so busy looking at the chart that I didn’t notice Breanna was no longer latched on and I was dripping milk onto my sock and shoe. Then, when I picked her up, she barfed all down my leg. Much appreciated! Clearly I wasted my time putting the burp rag over my shoulder.

-They discussed Hayley’s glasses which were the wrong prescription. I mentioned I had brought them with me but they were in the diaper bag back in the waiting room with George’s dad. On my way out to get them, Breanna barfed over my shoulder, missing me completely but leaving a large deposit on the floor. Oops. Could you pass me a paper towel? Thanks!

-Hayley needed to have drops put in her eyes to dilate her pupils. She was so freaked out by the abrupt stinging of the first drop that she went into hysterics. I had left the stroller in the waiting room as well since the exam rooms aren’t all that big, so I put the burp rag/blanket on the floor, put Breanna on the blanket, begged her not to roll over and attempt crawling on a hard tiled floor, and then it took three of us – myself, the doctor, and the tech – to hold Hayley down enough to get two drops in each eye. No one came in the room but I’m pretty sure people were wondering who was being beaten behind the closed door.

-Hayley walked around looking like a bad drug addict with her massive pupils, and sounded like one as she described how bright and fuzzy everything looked.

-After waiting another 45 minutes we got called back in. I had a horrible internal struggle trying not to laugh because while we were trying to get Hayley to tell us what pictures she saw on the eye chart, Breanna farted and farted and farted like she had just chowed down on a can of baked beans. Luckily the doctor is a mother too and we both giggled together.

-When we FINALLY got out of there, two and a half hours after our arrival, both kids fell asleep thirty seconds into the drive. George’s dad had to make one stop on the way home and I struggled to stay awake the whole time he was gone because I don’t like falling asleep in a parked car, especially with kids in the back seat.

-When we were finally on our way home, I succumbed to the power of sleep. Which would have been fine if I had just slept. For some reason though, I kept jerking awake and realizing that my mouth was hanging wide open. Instead of having a nice quiet snooze, I was that moron that everyone laughs at in the other car, with the tonsils dangling in the wind, the head bobbing from one side to the other, and the flailing limbs as I startled to life. I should just be thankful that I didn’t drool.

It should be noted though that I am truly a geek. And not only a geek, but a geek with a blog. Because halfway through all the crazy crap, I couldn’t help but giggle a little and think, “well at least I can write this and share it with a bunch of people on the internet who will laugh at my expense”.

Thank god the day picked up once we got home. Even though lunch was at 2 pm and I felt like a chicken with its head cut off trying to catch up on the day, it was okay.

Anyway, Hayley’s eyes are so straight that the doctor declared it a total success. Her prescription is weaker now but with a difference in the astigmatism so we have our THIRD bloody prescription for her glasses and we go back in two months to see how things are going. Hayley is only going if there are “no more drops”.

And now that it’s 10:30 maybe I should head to bed. Although the day did definitely improve upon arriving home, it’s not over yet and I don’t want to tempt fate by staying awake to see what else can happen.