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September 17th, 2003 - Wednesday Random baby thoughts This time a year ago, I burst into tears. Big, heaving, sobbing, bawling, sniffling, soggy mess I was. It was end-of-pregnancy hormones. My due date was estimated as being the 15th of the month. I had started having so many contractions that I was positive I was going to go early. I really was. I had stayed in the hospital for two nights because of sudden bleeding during an exam to see if I was dilated, and they decided it was best to keep me; while there, I had contraction on top of contraction. Every time I went for a non-stress test, it was stressful for me because I'd show tons of contractions and they'd make me stick around until I convinced them to let me walk around, which would make them stop. Obviously every pregnancy has to come to an end, but I irrationally (and I think it's a common thing) started to believe I was never going to have a baby, I was just going to bloody well contract forever. So on the 14th, I went to see George play. I figured that for sure Murphy's Law would see my water break as I sat at the bar and George stood on stage playing (pregnant women got free soft drinks, woohoo). Nothing happened though. Then on the 15th of the month last year, I remember we went and walked around a flea market. Then we went to another one and walked some more. And we walked and walked and walked. Nothing really happened other than I got really pooped out by the end of the day. On the 16th, I was still in pretty good spirits and I had an exciting morning of lying in bed and timing contractions. As soon as I finally had to get up to pee though, they stopped again. By the time I went to bed that night, I was frustrated again. And on this day one year ago, the 17th, two days past my due date, I woke up and was in a foul mood. I sulked a lot. I hadn't slept well again, and I was crabby. When George came home, I startled him by bursting into tears because I was "so tired of being pregnant now!" and I just wanted to "finally see my baby!" Good thing that I only had three more days to go. The punch line, of course, is that here I sit now, a year later. In three days - not three long days, in *ONLY* three days, I celebrate the birth of my daughter. I'm utterly flabbergasted (really - that's the best adjective for how I feel) that a whole year has almost passed since she was born. Where did it go? I barely remember the early months where she had no concept of night or day and slept an hour here, three hours there. I have vague memories of sitting up in bed while feeding her, watching old episodes of "Buffy" at 3 am on Space. I remember once, wearily asking my mother-in-law if she knew that Martha Stewart is on the Life Network at 5 am. I can still feel ghost aches in my legs and shoulders from the hours upon hours of walking a colic-stricken baby up and down the hall at night. I wrote entries in those months. Not many, but a few. Sadly, due to site re-arrangements and a motherboard that started spewing acrid smoke out the back of my old computer, all the entries from October, November, and December of 2002 are lost. I wish I still had them, especially an entry from October that was a "day in the life" style of entry. I'd love to see time slot by time slot how I spent that day back when she was still so tiny. I count my lucky stars that I have my weblog backed up from those days. They'll be fun to look at some day. And now she's such a big girl. My baby who could once only get nourishment by being nursed is picking up any food I put in front of her (and sometimes just grabbing stuff haphazardly straight off my plate!) and stuffing it in her mouth. Last year she was getting what her body needed through her umbilical cord, yet somehow tonight she ate chunks of chicken, fettucine alfredo, and green beans, followed by an entire half of a banana that she chewed on until it was gone. My baby who didn't even have a need to open her mouth and swallow to drink a year ago while in utero sat in her high chair, made the sign for water, and then picked up her sippy cup, chugging merrily away. It's surreal. She's so big. It makes me cry sometimes. It makes me cry more than just sometimes, really. Other times, like tonight, it makes me laugh. Tonight she sat in the bathtub and bounced up and down on her butt, making waves shoot up the sides of the tub. Then she went into a splashing frenzy, drenching me. She dissolved into a hysterical laughing fit as I sputtered and shrieked and laughed along with her. I miss the little baby that she used to be, even with the colic and the severe lack of sleep and the ten million questions that I had. On the other hand? I love the child she's becoming. It's been almost a whole year that she's been here. I can't wait to see what the second year brings. Proof of how big she's getting: A few random pictures from last weekend.
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