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October 4th, 2003 - Saturday
A wonderful Saturday
When I took Hayley to her one-year check-up with the doctor, I picked up a pamphlet from the office about World Breastfeeding Week. There is a challenge to see how many women (it's mostly organized across Canada although some of the US states are involved too this year) can breastfeed their child(ren) at one specific time.
For us, it was organized at the St. Mary's Hospital in their auditorium. They opened the doors at 10 and the official "latch on" time was at 11 am sharp. George got us there for about 10:30 so I signed in and got my certificate of participation (it's pretty cool - I want to get a frame for it). Then we found some seats and I poked around the information tables. They had a lot of pamphlets on proper nutrition and breastfeeding support information and that sort of thing. I spoke with a woman for awhile on toxins, and she seemed pleased to find out that I (and the woman next to me) have gotten rid of just about all chemical cleaners in my home. I still have bleach and we also have a bottle of Windex, but for the most part I use dish soap, vinegar, rubbing alcohol, and baking soda for cleaning things. I changed the way I clean when Hayley was born because I just didn't want so much in the way of hazardous materials around for her to breathe in. The woman was very happy to not have to try to convince me to stop using chemicals.
We settled in a few minutes before the "big moment" and they started a countdown about ten seconds before 11 o'clock. The idea was to get your baby latched on and at 11 you would raise your hand once you had a baby/toddler properly latched on to the breast.
Latched on!It was unfortunate that 1) they didn't seem to have advertised it very well and 2) it was a crappy and rainy day, so there were only 42 babies nursing in our auditorium. However, the last time I checked the stats on the official site, there was a total of almost 2000 with 44 areas still needing to report in with their numbers, so overall it worked really well.
It was well organized in and of itself because they had juice boxes, water bottles, oatmeal cookies (that Hayley loved tremendously and messily!), and candy bars, they had a parachute game for the older children, face painting, the aforementioned information tables, door prizes, and gift bags. Each mother got a bag with nursing pads (which I technically no longer need but Hayley likes playing with them!) and some bath stuff, and Hayley got a gift bag with two barrettes and a party hat. Of course, she also came home with a balloon - when we walked in, she nearly lost her mind because the whole place was decorated with balloons everywhere.
I enjoyed going. I felt like I belonged. No one has ever flat-out made me feel like I'm peculiar, but none of my friends are breastfeeding. Some never did and some did for awhile but already weaned. In particular, it feels lonely to be doing extended breastfeeding now. I don't know a single person face to face who nursed past a year. Meanwhile, I have no intentions of stopping for quite some time. Even a friend of ours who was really helpful to me on day two in the hospital when I couldn't figure out how to breastfeed while sitting up made a comment to me last weekend - I was laughing about how Hayley sometimes tries to do handstands or hums while I nurse her and she said "I think it's time to wean her off!" It was said as a joke but as someone I know always says, "joke is joke but all joke ain't joke." In other words, sometimes things said in jest are really serious criticisms underneath it all.
I don't really care. People can joke or outright insist to me that it's time to wean and I won't because I know that this is still the best thing for both of us and I have all the information that I need to back up that claim. I know that people who think it's abnormal to nurse past a year are the ones with the issues. Still though, it's lonely sometimes to not have anyone else around me who is doing what I'm doing.
That's why I enjoyed the morning so much. There were women there with tiny infant babies who were so young that they still curled up into balls like little monkeys against their mother's neck. There were older babies who were still tiny but who looked around with bright and alert eyes, watching all the activity while they nursed. And there were toddlers the same age as Hayley or older, and I loved it. Even though I didn't plunk myself down and start talking to anyone, it was just nice to see that I wasn't alone, that other people in the Montreal area really DO breastfeed their children past age one and that I don't have to find solidarity only in the online breastfeeding communities.
It was validating. And sometimes, validation is what you need more than you realize. It isn't because you need confirmation that you're doing the right thing - but sometimes you need to have obvious proof that you aren't an oddball.
Hayley loves her smiley face party hat. 
Playing with her balloon.
Carrie once wrote about finding your tribe. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I have wonderful friends with wonderful children and we all respect (well, mostly) each person's different choices and approaches to parenting. I don't have a tribe though. I don't have any breastfeeding and co-sleeping friends. Sometimes I ache for that tribe that I should have and don't except for online journals and weblogs of people who do the things that I do.
After this morning I still don't have a tribe in the sense of people that I'm close to and spend time with. I know now that they exist though. For now that's almost good enough.
2002: None
2001: Using your t.v. listings to keep track of the days of the week is no way to live.
2000: "The freezer got mad at me and threw things at my HEAD!"
1999: We got close to Halifax in the afternoon, and i was greeted with the Atlantic Ocean
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