It’s so strange that it’s New Year’s Eve already and that we’re not only starting a new year very soon but a whole new decade. I don’t know where the time has gone. Isn’t it weird how time seems to speed up the older you get?

I was going to do a retrospective but really I don’t need to. For me one of the best parts of 2009 was going to Halifax for three weeks. Halifax is my dream home, the place I’ve wanted to live since I was just transitioning into my third trimester with my now-seven-year-old daughter. Being there for three weeks was bittersweet because it made it even harder to leave in some ways but I’m so glad we got to go. Seeing my sister, being in her wedding, spending time with George’s family, touching the ocean again, it was all amazing.

Other than that, one of my biggest feats of 2009 has been to beat down the panic attack issues that I have. They’re still there, I still get them on a regular basis, and I’ve explained before what it feels like to go through one. No matter how many I have, no matter how rational I try to be, they’re still as scary each time as the first time.

However, this fall I made a choice to try very hard to not let it control my life. I stepped way outside of my normal comfort zones by joining the PPO at Hayley’s school and becoming a part of the Governing Board. I’ve participated in Movie Night, the toy sale, Terry Fox Day, Pizza Day, Bread Drive, attended assemblies, and gone to a Governing Board workshop. I’ve also become a volunteer for the Breakfast Club, arriving there at dark o’clock to make sure all kids have a chance at a healthy and filling breakfast.

It’s not perfect. People probably can’t tell to look at me but I’ve had the odd mild panic in the midst of some of those things, but between the Rescue Remedy I carry with me at all times (hell, I even carried it inside my bouquet in my sister’s wedding), conversations with the Big Guy upstairs (so to speak) and sheer determination I fought it down and won.

It will probably never go away completely but I’m proud of myself for refusing to let it win all the time.

Overall, 2009 could have been better but it sure as hell could have been a lot worse. I’m not sad to see it go but I’m eager to see what 2010 has in store. Hopefully good things. Maybe a winning lottery ticket. I promise to donate a ton of it to charity if I win a big one.

I know people scoff at resolutions, and of course you should make them at any time that you feel a need to change your life for the better instead of just at the flip of a new calendar, but I’m the person who always makes resolutions. It’s a compulsion of some sort and I’m unapologetic about it. None of my resolutions are massive lifestyle changes anyway. Sometimes I keep them and sometimes I don’t but it’s a good way to check into what I need to focus on.

For 2010, in no particular order:

1. Start figuring out a plan to get to Halifax. Not just a vacation, figuring out a plan to GET TO Halifax. It’s been over seven years after all, it’s time.

2. Balance out work a bit better. Working from home is all wonderful and delightful but I need a better way to balance work, home, and life.

3. Learn more about photography. The fact that I’m now writing over here regularly and over at DPS occasionally (I don’t think I ever mentioned that I wrote a post about cold weather photography at DPS) means that I have a good reason to push myself to learn and share those lessons with others. This year I went through a weird slump where I just had no desire to take any pictures, not even snapshots, and it was frustrating but I know now that it goes away eventually. I love taking pictures and want to keep getting better.

4. Tell stories. Somehow this blog has become sort of “dear diary” where I yap at everyone about my day (or days if it’s been awhile). There’s nothing wrong with that and I don’t want to stop. This blog has been a great way for me to keep track of the little things in my life. I could write it in a paper journal but I suck at keeping up with that. I’ll still write the “today I…” entries but I want to write more. I want to tell stories instead of just recaps. Two of my (many) favorite bloggers are incredible storytellers and every single time I read an entry they’ve posted I think to myself, “I want to write like THAT.” I want to tell stories to you.

5. Make the effort. My good friend came up with this all-encompassing resolution years ago because she isn’t fond of specific resolutions. She decided that “make the effort” was a sentiment that could be applied to a lot of things throughout the year. I can think of some things I’d especially like to apply it to – things like getting fit for health and mental health reasons, learning calm and patience, staying on top of things better – but I don’t want to bog it down with too many specifics. I’ll just go with it as is.

What are your resolutions?

And now I have two excited kids who are determined to stay up with us until midnight (Hayley for sure, Breanna, well, I’ll see if she can make it). They’re drinking 7Up in wine glasses and I’m about to pour some real red wine in my own glass. We’re going to listen to some music then hang out with Ryan Seacrest in Times Square to watch the ball drop. I hope that 2010 brings you all the best life has to offer.

See you (wait for it) next year!

Usually I get a really blah-worthy post-Christmas slump or let-down. It’s because there’s so much excitement and stress leading up to The Big Day that by the time it’s over I’m left wondering how it’s over already and the lack of festivities leaves me kind of blue. It never lasts long but it’s there.

Last year I didn’t get that because I had Christmas morning with George and the girls here at home, then we spent the day with his parents, and my family came for dinner – with my sister and Neal too! – on the 26th. On top of that we gathered at my aunt and uncle’s house with my cousins and their kids on the 28th and it was the first time in over ten years since we had all been together like that. When my uncle passed away a few months ago I was very grateful to have had that one last visit with him.

I’m finding I don’t have the let-down this year either. I do have the post-Christmas slump but this time it’s not due to feeling deflated – it’s a physical “holy crap that was fun and now I’m exhausted” slump so it’s been a good one.

The 24th was pretty busy. We took the kids to see Santa because he actually hadn’t been there the day we first went. They were very happy to see him right before he had to dash off to start delivering gifts around the world.

Once we got back home I baked cookies with the kids (just Pillsbury chocolate chip cookies, nothing fancy) and while we waited for them to finish up in the oven we tracked Santa on the NORAD site. They LOVE that.

I was very smart this year (and it only took me this long to figure this out). Instead of waiting for the kids to go to sleep and then having George bring the gifts over for us to wrap – something which stresses me out since it’s always after 11 pm – I went to his parents’ house and hung out with them, wrapping everything in their kitchen (his mom did most of the work). That meant George only had to pick them up and bring them here at night, much less stressful for me.

On Christmas eve the kids got their traditional pajamas that they unwrap and wear to bed. They may be two of the very few kids who actually look forward to getting pajamas. Then we set up the milk and cookies for Santa (and Cheerios and water for the reindeer) and they went to bed.

Breanna is a sleep fan so despite the fact that it was the night before Christmas, she was out like a light in about ten minutes flat. Hayley didn’t give in to sleep until after 11 pm (so I was definitely happy that everything was wrapped already!), but it helped that I noticed on NORAD that Santa was in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. She knows EXACTLY where that is and it put her into enough of a panic that she fell asleep about five minutes later. Whew. Thank God I had gotten her up at 7 am that day because otherwise she might have never fallen asleep.

George and I always divide and conquer with the kids on Christmas eve so that we don’t have to worry about the kids sneaking into the living room at 4 am. He and Hayley camp out in one bedroom while Breanna and I sleep in the other. Apparently Hayley woke George up with a loud stage whisper at three in the morning. I don’t think she went to sleep until well after 4 am, which explains why Breanna and I woke up at 8 am on the 25th with the two of them still conked out.

It was good though. It was all really good. The kids opened their stockings where they were very happy with their little gifts. Then they moved on to the Santa gifts. They only ever ask for one thing from Santa (or in Breanna’s case she wanted this OR this) which is something I like because it means we get to give them cool gifts too. This year Hayley wanted a Fur Real dog that walks and barks and sniffs a rawhide bone, and Breanna wanted a rocket ship (or a truck).

Hayley got her dog and apparently it was exactly the right one. Meanwhile, Breanna nearly peed her pants because not only did she get a rocket, it was the rocket that was attached to Buzz and Woody in Toy Story, one of her favorite movies. She was so excited to get them all.

From us Hayley got Mousetrap and a Barbie horse spa, and Breanna got a Littlest Pet Shop set (the Get Better Center Playset) and an art easel because she loves drawing more than anyone I know.

Meanwhile we also got them a couple of joint gifts by giving them a big set of Barbie furniture and we downloaded Mario Kart for the Wii. They were pretty happy.

We went to George’s parents’ house for the morning and later for supper and the kids got a lot of nice clothes, some Polly Pocket stuff, and some My Little Pony things, as well as a couple of games. I also got some beautiful clothes so I was happy!

Supper was the usual “I’m going to die happy” meal of turkey, stuffing, squash, pigeon-peas & rice, steamed veggies, and ham, not to mention the pumpkin pie that I didn’t photograph because I was too busy shoving it into my, well, pie hole.

It was a great, wonderful, very happy day and once the kids went to bed (pretty easily), George and I settled in for our tradition of watching a highly inappropriate, very non-Christmasy movie. This year it was The Last House on the Left and good lord I was happy we don’t live in the woods in the middle of nowhere after watching that. Yikes.

Overall, a very good day. I haven’t gone through my photos from our day at my parents’ house yet so I’ll save that story for tomorrow! In the meantime, you can see the full set of Christmas photos thus far over here. I’ve started to put some photos as friends & family so if you can’t see all 35 photos, feel free to add me over there and drop me a line.

Today George and I headed out to drop Breanna off at her grandparents’ house so that we could go shopping, finally! The first place we hit was Toys R Us and for the first time ever in my time shopping there my jaw dropped open as I saw the lines. It was kind of nuts. In the end it wasn’t as bad as I thought, the lines did move pretty quickly, but it was still shocking. We had sort of figured that most people still have to work up to the 23rd, so we were expecting an emptier store. Yikes.

We also hit Wal-Fart and Zellers. I don’t like Wal-Fart on a good day, let alone a holiday shopping day so I nearly took George up on his offer for me to stay in the car (he knows how much I hate going in there) but I sucked it up and went on in. It wasn’t too bad.

We ended up going to two more on the other side of town as well, searching for just a few more things. Unfortunately we didn’t get it all finished yet (which is why I’m just grateful I wasn’t shopping on the 24th!), but we did get most of it. We need one more thing for Hayley, one joint gift for them, and possibly one more for each. We also have to get the gift for George’s sister and her husband, but it’s going to be easy to pick up. There are two kid gifts that are proving annoyingly difficult and it was ticking me off.

I also have to brave the dollar store and I’m hoping we can do all of that tomorrow. I’m not sure whether we can drop Breanna off again, it depends on everyone’s plans, but if we have to take her too then we’ll take turns at the different stores with one person shopping and the other walking around with her. Whew.

I’m looking forward to the 24th. I usually still have to do all the wrapping then, but at least I won’t have to go to the store!

Tomorrow is not only Monday, it’s also mere days before Christmas day. It’s ALSO the day where I will be hitting up Toys R Us and Best Buy among others for our Christmas shopping. It’s the only chance we’ve gotten as far as shopping goes. I’m feeling more or less calm about it since I know exactly what I’m looking for and most people will still be working so hopefully it won’t be too busy and chaotic in the stores.

Hayley has school for two days this week (really only one day because Tuesday is the school-wide holiday party day so I doubt they’ll be teaching much of anything – though the math teacher DOES have a homework sheet for Tuesday, sheesh!) so she’ll be there while we’re out and we’re dropping Breanna over at her grandparents’ house while we head off to the stores.

I’m a bit stressed out because I do wish we had been able to do this all much sooner but that’s the way the cookie crumbles (or the way the bank account fluctuates, whatever you want to call it). Also, it’s not the first time we’ve done it and although I always dread it, it always works out. I don’t know what kind of magic they work in Toys R Us but we’ve always been pretty lucky over there.

Still, keep your fingers crossed and think good thoughts for us tomorrow morning! Please?